Lies We Believe

A recently-divorced friend (call her Peggy, since I have no friends by that name) posted on Facebook, "I read that my kids will remember my attitude more than the things I tried to teach them.  It made me cry, because my kids had me during the worst years of my life, when I was a stressed-out, depressed person.  That's not who I really am.  I'm sorry, kids - I wish it could have been different."

This troubled me, but I had to think about it quite a while before I realized why.  The lies Peggy believes are so thick that it's hard to untangle them and evaluate them one at a time.

1.  I'm not me some of the time.  This friend and her husband dealt with some very difficult circumstances.  Unfortunately, Peggy responded with anger, bitterness, blame (in her words, "stress" and "depression") and ultimately, the decision to shed her husband like a snake sheds its old, worn-out skin.  Now she feels liberated, as though she is blossoming into her true self.  She's happy and carefree, as she remembers feeling in the early years of her marriage.  But who was stressed-out and depressed?  Peggy.  Who regularly lashed out at her husband and kids?  Peggy.  Who broke up their unhappy home?  Peggy.  Some other person did not take possession of Peggy's body.  She really was, and is, that person.

2.  Circumstances control our lives; we are just victims.  Those "worst years" could have been the best years, had Peggy responded with patience, trust or love to the trials she faced.  Her three daughters could be filled with admiration at what their mother endured and gratitude for an intact, happy home despite their troubles.  My own parents had many ups and downs in their 38-year marriage, but at my mother's funeral, I cried with joy that we had walked the cancer journey together as a whole family.

3.  Things couldn't have been any different.  Things could have been different.  When her husband turned out to be a jerk, as all men are occasionally, Peggy could have remembered why she married him in the first place and patiently waited for things to get better.  She could have restrained her tongue at home as she does at work.  She could have sought counseling with a willingness to change herself instead of a preconceived determination that her husband or the circumstances were at fault.  She could have surrounded herself with people who believed, "Murder, maybe; divorce, never."  She could have recognized her own complicity in the problems and extended grace to her husband and daughters.

This whole post depressed me because Peggy continues to see herself as a victim and therefore doesn't see any need to change her own attitudes.  Does she really believe that now that her husband is out of her home, no trials will ever arise?  Or that she will somehow respond with grace and joy to future difficulties, when she has a completely different pattern firmly entrenched in her psyche?

I am no better than Peggy.  I have the same negative reactions, the same self-righteous bitterness, the same tendency to blame others and lash out at them.  What will my children remember?  I pray they will remember that Jesus Christ forgives and renews me and them.  I pray they will remember that the Holy Spirit "calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies" us.  I pray they will remember my humble moments.  And I pray they will remember that two jerks can live together in peace and love through God's power.

The End of Civilization as We Know It

I watched a new game show last night and was appalled.  We recently fixed our UHF antenna, knocked out by lightning over a year ago, and I decided to see what was on while folding clothes and soaking my feet.  I had noticed the ads for "Take It All" while enjoying "Jeopardy" on Channel 11, and thought it looked interesting.  It was.  Five contestants start the game, a combination of "The Price is Right" and the stealing game we do at Christmas.  They learn the price range of the prizes (Round 1, $5000-$12,000; Round 3, $33,000-$100,000) and attempt, through "opening" a new prize or "stealing" from one of the other competitors, to avoid possessing the lowest-priced prize at the end of the round.  The one who fails goes home with nothing.  That in itself should have been a warning sign to me that I wasn't going to like this game. So at the end of Round 3, law student Destiny enters the Prize Fight with the Porsche she "locked in," thus saving it from theft by Patrick, who therefore went home with nothing.  J.T. arrives with his private jet ski vacation, the top prize so far, valued at over $100,000.  Each draws an unknown cash prize, faces the other and starts talking.  J.T. assures Destiny and us that he intends to use his winnings to start an anti-bullying foundation, as he has always felt so alone in his homosexuality.  Destiny persuades him and us that the vacation to Italy is the main thing for her, and if they both choose to keep what's theirs, she will donate her cash to his foundation.  They're both crying when the moment of truth arrives.  If both press "Keep What's Mine," they keep it.  If both press "Take it All," both lose everything.  But here's the kicker:  if each chooses a different button, the one who pushes "Take it All" gets everything.  Naturally, you can guess what happened last night.  J.T. chose to keep what was his, but Destiny - with cash and prizes worth over $200,000 before she pushed the button - selected "Take it All" and walked out the door with winnings of over $400,000, sending J.T. home with nothing.  The entire audience gasped with mouths wide open; Destiny couldn't believe it at first, then raised her arms in the Victory sign.  "I took the risk.  I meant what I said about the vacation being the main thing, but hey - this is playing the game.  I won."  I wonder if she will donate her cash to J.T.'s foundation.  Oh, that's right - J.T. won't be starting a foundation.  He won nothing.  I won't be watching that show again, and it depresses me that there's an audience for it.  Is it the end of civilization as we know it?

Bell-Ringing

 - Lois signed our church up for Salvation Army bell-ringing at Cashwise on Wednesday.  The national Army headquarters has decreed that all shifts must be four hours instead of two this year, so the local branch is having a hard time filling the slots.  The confirmation students were drafted to ring during their class time, from 6-8pm, and we called for Luther Leaguers (high school) to help fill the 4-6pm slot.  I mentioned it to our Praise Team on Sunday, and they expressed their willingness; Zach even asked if he should bring his guitar so we could sing.  Our family planned to participate, but Pete ended up bringing Andrew and Philip to Plain View Farm, so Sarah and I were the only possibilities.  On my way there, I wondered if Lois, Zach, Sarah and I would carry the load, but I shouldn't have worried.  We had plenty.  Karen and Laurie, whose kids are past high school, were there; Jordan, Sarah C, Liz, Carter, and others I didn't see (because they were at the other door) joined us.  At the main revolving door, our group sang with guitar accompaniment for most of the two hours.  When I left at 6, the confirmation students - Mara, Taylar, Hannah, Erin and Austin - had arrived, and several of the older youth and adults remained as well.   Apparently the last time we sang while ringing at Cashwise, the donations hit a record high.  We'll see what happened this year.  Many customers expressed appreciation of our caroling through words or smiles.  Svea blesses again!

Peter Pan

When I entered the darkened theatre, the directors had just finished placing the actors in lines.  I could see Andrew in the middle of a line; knowing that Peter Pan would be at the front of a line, I realized Andrew had not received the part he had hoped to earn with his audition.  Sure enough, when they called out the cast names, Andrew was John, the middle brother of the Darling family.  An 18-year-old would play Peter.  I was a little concerned that Andrew would complain or fall into depression over this turn of events, but I was pleasantly surprised when he strutted back, handling his script, and announced in a manly voice, "I LOVE this part!"  Apparently, playing a know-it-all brother appealed to him.  Philip figured he would enjoy Starkey, a pirate, as well.  He's on the middle left below brandishing a sword; Andrew's on the top row, on the right, in the derby hat.

Having just returned from the second and final performance of Peter Pan, full of Cherry Berry goodness, I'm reflecting on the impressiveness of two directors handling 74 children in grades 1-12, plus acting the parts of Mr. & Mrs. Darling, Hook and Tiger Lil.  They seem to enjoy it also!  Andrew and Philip performed well; they said a lot of kids forgot lines, but we only noticed a few.  Another week of daily trips to town has ended, and both boys hope to participate in Tom Sawyer this spring.

Thanksgiving Thanks

Things about the Thanksgiving weekend that I'm thankful for:

1.  About 15 Sunday School kids showed up for the Thanksgiving Eve service.
2.  We had as many choir members as Sunday School kids.
3.  The kids were fairly focused during our rehearsal.
4.  The choir was so patient while singing "All You Works of God" 8 or 10 times so the kids could master their parts.
5.  The church service was well attended with the families of the kids.
6.  The accompaniment CD worked well and the sound balance was good.
7.  The Coats family arrived in time to join in on the singing.
8.  Communion at the service.
9.  Delicious pies afterwards.
10.  The visiting dogs settled down OK.
11.  David and Callie were here for three whole (and parts of two more) days.
12.  We made it through the cold windy part of the Turkey Leg 5K.
13.  We enjoyed the last part and Mary and I had a great conversation.
14.  Pete finally won his age category in a race this year.
15.  We won the Largest Family Group award, with 12 members running or walking, compared to 7 in the next largest group.
16.  The award was gourmet snack boxes.
17.  Mary's sweet potato dish and broccoli slaw.
18.  Jody Brown's pies.
19.  Seeing the Browns and the Coats, especially Cara and Elisabeth home from college.
20.  Traditional Thanksgiving food.
21.  Make-ahead cream cheese mashed potatoes.  Yummmmm!
22.  Cousin love.
23.  Family sharing time in the evening.
24.  Rahila shared about her school fund-raising for Heifer International and collected $63 on the spot.
25.  Browns brought me a poinsettia.
26.  We adults had a really excellent discussion about life, not always agreeing, but agreeing on the main things.
27.  Hugs.
28.  We got a 40" TV with an amazing HD picture and watched "Brave."
29.  Delicious Applebee's food and stimulating conversation with David and Callie.
30.  Even if I didn't have all these other things to be thankful for, I would still be thankful for Jesus Christ and His love for me.  He will never leave me or forsake me, and if everything else passes away, He will remain.

Thanks Lord!  Amen.

Historical Fascination

I love history!  On Thursday, We traveled to the Cities on a bus with our homeschool group and were privileged to view the Terra-Cotta Warriors from China at the Minneapolis Institute of Art, and participate in a class on "Minnesota's Role in the Civil War" at the Minnesota History Center.  Both experiences satisfied my interest in historical information.

Over 2000 years ago, the first Emperor of China united all the Warring States under his control and pursued his interest in immortality.  He commissioned the clay craftsmen of his kingdom - by force when necessary - to produce 8000 soldiers.  These craftsmen were not artists, and in fact Chinese art up to that time was very abstract, geometric and stylized.  But Emperor Qin wanted the soldiers, who were buried with him so they could guard him in his afterlife, to look realistic.  The craftsmen succeeded in guiding their crews to construct figures, probably a little larger than life size, which astounded our group with their authenticity.  Apparently, analysis has revealed that each figure has a different face, though eight basic facial types are represented (and are still operative in China today).  There were about ten warriors and horses in the exhibit, all reconstructed since no figure was found intact.  Ironically, peasants who rebelled against Qin's son looted the pits for the weapons each warrior carried, and broke them in the process.

At the History Center, we learned about the First Minnesota regiment, also the first regiment enlisted in the Union Army after the firing on Ft. Sumter, because Governor Ramsey was in Washington, DC when he heard about the South's secession and immediately volunteered Minnesota citizens.  The teacher of the class sparked quite a bit of participation from the students, although she couldn't get Andrew to raise his hand, and delivered an interesting video, audio and hands-on presentation.  Of the 1000 men who signed up to fire a few shots and teach the Rebels a lesson, 286 were killed and 609 wounded in battle.

The leaders of the War noted the First Minnesota's bravery in its very first engagement; unlike many other regiments, it stood its ground during the Battle of Bull Run.  During the Battle of Gettysburg, Major General Hancock ordered the regiment to go up against 5:1 odds and hold a spot which had been vacated by three fleeing Union regiments.  Suffering an 83% casualty rate, still the highest in any encounter by any US troops, the soldiers managed to hang on to the position, and the 47 survivors returned to the Major General with their flag intact.  This was a crucial turning point in the battle, which was a crucial turning point in the war.

I love all this stuff.  Every detail fascinates me, and I could have spent many hours listening to and reading the information these historians displayed.  It's one of the top benefits of homeschooling for me.

Perspective

I'm starting our Christmas newsletter by brainstorming possible items to include.  It's not every year that a trip to California will take second place in the contest for Biggest Stadem News.  Andrew's confirmation and David's college graduation pale in comparison with "Welcome, Callie!"  It's all a matter of perspective.

Shelley was in town all week helping her sister, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about a month ago.  She slept here last night as all the relatives descended upon Lori's house for the bridal shower tomorrow honoring Jamie, Lori's daughter, who moved her wedding date from next April to this December so she can be sure her mom will be there.  Their church and work communities have rallied around them and are doing a lot of the leg work for the wedding.  Jamie confessed to Aunt Shelley, "When I was getting married in April, I had so many requirements.  This had to be done my way and that had to be perfect.  Now none of that seems to matter; I just want Mom to be well enough to enjoy my wedding."  It's all a matter of perspective.

Only two days remain for Mitt Romney or President Obama to convince enough indecisive voters to propel him into office.  I tend to follow politics and obsess about my concerns, so I took a break from the scene this fall and refused to watch, read or listen to political ads or commentary.  I wish I could state that this cured me of my excessive interest, but I'm pretty sure that on Election Day (and for days thereafter) I'll be glued to the computer, trying to figure out what went right and wrong.  However, if a member of my family died or became severely ill or injured, I wouldn't care a bit about the elections except as a distraction from things of true importance. It's all a matter of perspective.

Lord, grant us a truer perspective on life and Your kingdom.  Amen.