Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Nothing but Fun!

On Friday at 4pm, Mark Kraemer & I left Crown Farm for the University of MN to pick up John K, who had been at a songwriter's class all week. From there, we headed down to Rochester, where the boys dropped me off at my college roommate's house and headed over to Winona for the state church league softball tournament. Shelley and her family arrived shortly thereafter, and we had a great visit, catching up on the past few months. They had a French 16-year-old staying with them for the last month, which provided some interesting conversation.

In the morning, after delicious homemade whole wheat cinnamon bread by Jon, the head of the house, who turned 48 - 47? 46? - that day, Shelley & I drove to Winona to watch the tournament. It must have been close to 90 already by 10am, when the first game started. Because we were there to watch Svea's team, I got to explain to Shelley who everyone was, some of their statistics, and other details. She did know Joel and Daniel, who played 3rd and 2nd respectively, and a couple of guys who had been to Leadership Quest three years ago with Shelley and family. The only other Svea fans there were the families of the two married men on the team. We marveled at their commitment; Nicki was there with her 9- and 5-year-old sons and 2-year-old daughter, and Emily with her 2-year-old son, for the whole blistering day.

The first game was a disaster - the St. Cloud team scored 6 runs in the first inning, and when Shelley & I went to get cooler clothes and sunscreen on (the bleachers were in full sun), we missed most of the Svea rally. I think our guys were tired (they had tented in the heat last night) and a little nervous at finally facing some real competition. They almost caught up, however, and lost 9-7. That put them in the loser's bracket right away and meant a 3-hour break until the next game. The clouds in the west were already looking threatening, but the head umpire said they'd play through pouring rain if necessary; they would only stop a game if lightning flashed.

We walked around the river path for a while and commiserated with each other on our various challenges in parenting college students and teenagers. It was great to connect for such a big chunk of time. When we returned to the car, the wind picked up and it was obvious the rain was coming. We got in and drove in the pouring rain, trying to find a restaurant. After finding a McDonald's, we sat in the parking lot and waited for a lull to get the GPS out of the trunk. It directed us to a Perkins, where we had a nice lunch and then tried to find our way back to the tournament - the GPS didn't have the location mapped, and it turned out we had gone in a big circle. We happened to catch sight of "Huff Street" and recognized the name, so returned in time for the next game, which was only about 15 minutes late. When we got there, the guys were a little frantic because the two dads still weren't there; they had gone in the pool with their kids and without their cell phones, so didn't realize it was time to play. They arrived in time, though, and the next two games were solid victories for Svea. The first one was good competition, and provided some fun spectacles, such as Jason sliding through a water puddle to catch a foul ball - which popped out of his glove - and Mark making a diving catch in the outfield. Another bonus was the shade which was available - it hadn't cooled down at all.

After the two wins, we were in the loser's bracket championship against the team which beat us first. We beat them 9-2 with great defense and offense. During the game, the undefeated team - Atonement Angels from Bloomington - sat behind us and scoped out our team. One guy mentioned the "two who look alike," and when I confirmed that they are twins, he queried, "Dare I ask how old they are?" "Eighteen." "Is there anyone on your team older than 18?" he wondered. He kept making comments about how their youth would enable them to keep going in the heat and so forth, but when he told us that Atonement comes to this tournament every year, and that it was his 31st season playing softball, I knew their experience would make it a difficult game to win for Svea.

Sure enough, Atonement scored 6 runs in the first inning. After that, our guys brought one outfielder behind second base, and we beat them 5-2 over the course of the rest of the innings. That wasn't enough, however, and we lost 8-5. That was OK with me, because it was already after 6pm, and the Kraemer boys and I had to get back home that night. Plus, there was plenty to be proud of; in their first year at the tournament, Svea took second place. Shelley & I had a wonderful visit, and everyone got safely home.

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Mind/Brain Connection

What a fascinating book - Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson, MD. He is a psychiatrist who has studied the latest research on the brain, and also believes that God in Jesus Christ is reconciling the world to Himself. The book shows how our minds can become dis-integrated with neural pathways deeply ingrained by our interactions with our parents, and how they can become integrated through connections with other minds. According to him, it's never to late for improvement, though the ruts do become deeper with each passing year. I highly recommend this book, because I can't hope to give even the gist of the meaning in this blog. Suffice it to say that this is not any kind of proof for or against God or the soul, but a guidebook on how to use the best scientific understanding of the brain to help our emotional and spiritual lives.

One thing I do want to pass on is his understanding of Matthew's account of Jesus' last word, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Dr. Thompson points out that given Jesus' upbringing as a Hebrew male and scholar of the Bible, he was almost certainly calling the entirety of Psalm 22 to mind by crying out its first verse, and affirming his trust in his Father's ultimate good will and gracious plan in the midst of the worst suffering the world has ever seen. "From the cross he still speaks into the darkness of evil, confident that he is heard...He is mindful and centered, completely integrated at the level of his prefrontal cortex."

The book also offers new insights on Genesis 3, 1 Corinthians 12-13, and other Bible passages and stories. If you are interested in improving your relationships with yourself, others and God, and willing to work hard at it, this book will help!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Hanging over my Head

Yesterday was a day of accomplishment - I burned a DVD of the wedding of my friend's daughter. Two kids are at camp, one went to a cousin's, and the other two work full-time, so all I had to do was cook meals for the cousins who are staying and working here - and they left at 3pm. I had grand intentions of getting half my list done, but instead worked on editing the video footage and burning the DVD most of the day, with a break for Bible study. I also reorganized CDs while the computer was transferring, etc.

I feel much better than I'd expect to feel after only checking off one thing; I realize it's because this commitment was hanging over my head. Other people were involved, and it really needed to be finished within a reasonable amount of time. I had set a goal for myself of completing it by July 25 - one month after the wedding - but it's great to have it done now!

At Bible study, Carol was sharing that her house is hanging over her head, and it keeps her from getting out and enjoying life. I have experienced relational conflict hanging over my head, and I'm sure we all can relate to deadlines, illnesses or the troubles of others occupying our minds to the extent that everything else seems put on hold.

In Getting Things Done, David Allen accurately observes that getting things down on paper can relieve the weight on our minds of uncertainty as to our commitments. Perhaps another key to a clear mind is to identify the big things that hang over our heads, and do our utmost to clear them up first.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

It's All About Communication

We had a family reunion over the Fourth of July weekend. Everyone had a wonderful time, but there was some frustration on the part of the property owners because this was an "off" year, which means people were supposed to come to work on the property, preparing for next year's larger reunion. Instead, 50 people visited and ate all weekend, with about half of them working for an hour (maybe two). Most brought at least some food, but quite a few mooched off the rest, and only about ten people helped in the kitchen. People appropriated rooms in the house without asking, and didn't even help with the final cleanup.

As some of the owners and spouses were discussing the frustration (myself among them), we realized that we have allowed this to happen by a lack of communication. We haven't publicized a work schedule or list of projects in advance. We have opened the kitchen, put out all the food, and cleaned up afterwards, instead of just feeding our own families. We haven't even made a policy about the house, let alone communicated it to anyone. And then we wonder why people make us so upset!

I've been studying "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero with my ladies for the past few months. One of last week's topics was "Expectations." The author wrote, "An expectation has not been established until it is 1) conscious, 2) realistic, 3) spoken and 4) agreed upon." Too often, we are angry because others have not met our expectations, even though the expectation hasn't actually been established since one or more (often all four!) of the criteria have not been met.

I hope our future family reunions will be characterized by positive communication, agreed-upon expectations, and a good balance between work and rest!