The Girls at Plain View Farm

The First Annual Girls' Retreat at Plain View Farm was a smashing success!  For Sarah and me, it began with the arrival of the Coats girls (Mary and Rahila) for lunch on Friday.  After Pete visited with his sister for an hour or so, the four girls piled into the Coats van and headed for South Dakota.  Catching up with each other's lives, Mary and I chatted the whole way while the two teens entertained themselves with a movie on Rahila's portable DVD player.

We strolled through the further-updated Barna Velkommen - impressive!  Much of the siding is on; the cupboards (without doors) grace the kitchen walls, and all the windows offer beautiful views of the surrounding countryside.

I had volunteered to serve Friday's supper, so after hugs, unpacking and the tour of the Barn, I rolled out the biscuit dough and scorched their bottoms a little.  We feasted on Chicken Divan and biscuits, gabbed for a couple of hours, and turned in.  Summer has definitely arrived, and we could feel the heat in the upstairs bedrooms, but slept anyway.

Saturday morning brought eggs and sausage, served by Mary, and a "red-hot mama" talk as the aunties shared their accumulated wisdom about the facts of life with the nieces.  The perennial flower beds received attention from most of us, followed by a delicious salad lunch prepared by Judy.

 In the afternoon we napped, had facials and nail paintings,

 scraped the Spyse Hutte, and yakked some more!  After a feast of fried vegetables with couscous and quinoa, and a little more discussion about the upcoming PVF work reunion, the Coats and Crown Farm girls took off for Minnesota, chattering and watching another movie the whole way.

Much as we love our men, we thoroughly relished their absence.  I don't think we need fear becoming an auntie-dominated clan, as the Stadems were when I joined the family 27 years ago, since the entire older generation was female except for Dad Leroy.  The four Stadem men, plus John B, Bernie I, Todd S and several more, ensure that the male perspective is heard and seen.  It was pleasant to just have "girl talk,"

eat only vegetables, and not worry about clothes, hair or makeup.  I hope there will be many more!

It's All About Communication

We had a family reunion over the Fourth of July weekend. Everyone had a wonderful time, but there was some frustration on the part of the property owners because this was an "off" year, which means people were supposed to come to work on the property, preparing for next year's larger reunion. Instead, 50 people visited and ate all weekend, with about half of them working for an hour (maybe two). Most brought at least some food, but quite a few mooched off the rest, and only about ten people helped in the kitchen. People appropriated rooms in the house without asking, and didn't even help with the final cleanup.

As some of the owners and spouses were discussing the frustration (myself among them), we realized that we have allowed this to happen by a lack of communication. We haven't publicized a work schedule or list of projects in advance. We have opened the kitchen, put out all the food, and cleaned up afterwards, instead of just feeding our own families. We haven't even made a policy about the house, let alone communicated it to anyone. And then we wonder why people make us so upset!

I've been studying "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero with my ladies for the past few months. One of last week's topics was "Expectations." The author wrote, "An expectation has not been established until it is 1) conscious, 2) realistic, 3) spoken and 4) agreed upon." Too often, we are angry because others have not met our expectations, even though the expectation hasn't actually been established since one or more (often all four!) of the criteria have not been met.

I hope our future family reunions will be characterized by positive communication, agreed-upon expectations, and a good balance between work and rest!