Studying

Studying has always been a challenge for me.  I didn't have to do it at all until college, when the shock felt like a slap in the face - "you mean I have to TAKE STUFF HOME AND DO IT THERE???"  Learning came so effortlessly for me that I really felt I didn't learn anything from my classes for the first ten years or so of school.  Thus, I didn't learn good study habits young, and I often believe that if something doesn't come easily, I won't get it at all so I shouldn't bother to try.

This has led to amazed pride in Sarah, as she works hard at her Ridgewater College studies and succeeds.  Michelle and David, like me, didn't have to study; Joel and Daniel chose to play instead of study.  But Sarah struggles and tries and strives until she figures it out.  She'll ask for help, too.  Though she can't get an A without effort, nevertheless she gets As.  It's great!

I haven't done very well at teaching good study skills or habits to the kids in home school, for the above reasons.  So when Andrew took an Accuplacer practice test and failed, I wasn't sure what to do.  The Accuplacer test is used by Ridgewater to determine whether a student can take college-level courses.  All of our kids have had no problem qualifying in the reading and writing areas, so they can take most classes.  But all have struggled with the math portion, and I've heard that many more students fail than pass.  In fact, an algebra tutor at another college came here and failed the placement for college-level math!

I believed that Andrew had learned enough math to cope with a college course, but he wasn't able to demonstrate it on the practice test.  He kept asking me for help on various problems.  Finally, after three weeks of figuring different problems on different practice tests, we realized that he should do multiple problems of the same type at the same time, to cement the proper method in his mind.  After about a week of this, he quit asking me for help.  Last Friday he took the test - and qualified!  That will save him hundreds of dollars in remedial courses, and teaches me a valuable lesson about studying:  it works!

Humble Love

On Good Friday, Pastor Don preached about humble love conquering even death.  The point was that on the cross, Jesus performed no miracle, showed no mastery over death, demonstrated no power.  He was completely helpless and weak.

We were planning to watch The Passion of the Christ after the service, and this message started me thinking about the first time I watched the movie.  The strength and power of Jesus struck me.  Although He didn't, it was obvious that He could have stopped all the torture at any time but chose not to.  (Great acting).  Anyway, it occurred to me that humble love is always like that.  Though it looks weak, it must be strong and have a choice; otherwise, it's just humble enabling or codependency or whatever.  If a person is tortured and can't stop it, that's weakness.  But if the person chooses to forgive his torturers, that's humble love and that can bring God's kingdom.

If a mother accepts her son's wrong choices because she's afraid of his rejection, that's weakness.  But if she, though fully prepared to and capable of making a stand for the truth, chooses to give up her rights to his obedience, overlook his offense and ask the Lord to do the same, that's humble love and can reverse the process of sin and death itself.  "Love covers a multitude of sins."

If Susie continually takes advantage of Jane, who puts up with it because she believes she's not worthy of friendship, that's weakness.  But if Jane is confident in the Lord and chooses to put up with Susie and even go the extra mile, that's humble love which might help Susie receive eternal life.

To the onlooker, codependent weakness and humble love will often appear the same, so we should decline to judge another's relationships.   And if we try to let others know about our own humble love, we run the risk of ruining the whole thing.  That's why I'm not giving any personal examples here.

None of us will perfectly display humble love.  But may we ever walk more closely with Jesus,
 and receive His humble love to share with others.

Random Thoughts

Just some random thoughts and happenings...

Joel had surgery on Thursday to stitch his esophagus holes closed and reinforce them with a neck muscle stitched in behind.  Thoughts:

1.  I was planning to come alone, but the visibility was so bad Thurs. morning that Pete drove me in.  What a blessing it is to have two of us with different abilities to contribute.

2.  Pete got to hear Dr. H's explanation of what exactly he did.  Pete's doubts and concerns vanished when he understood the mechanics of it.  How often are our fears a result of misunderstanding?

3.  Thursday night Joel was in a lot of pain, and wanted me to stay until he "went to bed," though unfortunately he hasn't been able to sleep.  Yesterday he started dozing well in the evening, and I was just sitting beside his bed holding his hand.  I didn't feel very useful, so suggested that I would go home and Michelle would be here today.  He said, "I would like you to stay," and asked that I get here at 9 instead of 10.  Now here I sit again, but I am learning that just being here and touching Joel IS "doing something."    A good lesson for our society, with its emphasis on productivity.

4.  A while ago - maybe after that bout of mental overdrive that I blogged about - I received a sense of assurance that this esophagus problem was going to be solved.  Since then, despite the ongoing challenges, I haven't felt that sense of despair or hopelessness; I have been confident that the troubles will end.  After this surgery, I felt and still feel very strongly that this repair is going to hold up and this is the beginning of the end of this particular problem.  I felt the same way about Michelle's situation - I confidently stated more than once, "She WILL NOT get married without our blessing."  I was right about that; we'll see if I am right about this.  Does God occasionally give me "extra" faith for certain things?  If so, is there any way I can do to get more?  Stay tuned...

Shoulder Time

A friend mentioned that their marriage counselor recommended "shoulder time," where the couple just sits next to each other, possibly relaxing or doing something stationary, like knitting or reading.  I suppose this contrasts with "face time," where you are trying to intentionally build the relationship and might have more pressure to perform or accomplish some emotional breakthrough.  Maybe it's helpful because you can just rest together and that builds community.

I haven't watched the Olympics in years, so last night during the opening ceremonies I decided Pete and I should try "shoulder time"; he was agreeable, so we sat on the floor, bracing our backs against the ottoman, and started watching.  The Russian stadium was filled with beauty, light and interesting history, but I couldn't believe how hard it was for me to sit still and just watch.  I popped up during every commercial to clean the kitchen, and then to get everything out of our old media cabinet (just boards on bricks) so I could rearrange them in the new stand.  I don't know if this "shoulder time" would be helpful or not - maybe it would be - but I don't know if I can even do it!  Stay tuned...

Super Bowl Cheer

"A cheerful heart is good medicine."  Prov. 17:22  We saw the truth of this proverb yesterday as Joel rolled into the basement conference room at HCMC and 31 visitors screamed and hollered and cheered - silently!  We didn't want to overwhelm him with noise and commotion, so we pantomimed the welcome we would normally have given.  Soon the party settled into controlled chaos, however, as small groups visited throughout the room and the projector TV system blared the Super Bowl game and ads continuously.  Parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends brought snacks to share and everyone ate their fill (except Joel).  Cole drove 250 miles to get there, but he said it was "worth it all."   Joel sat in his wheelchair for almost 2 1/2 hours; his smiles blessed the whole crowd.  Though his pain increased throughout the evening, he wanted to remain as long as possible.  When he returned to his bed, Daniel and a couple of friends went back with him to finish watching the Denver debacle.   I can only imagine the misery we would have endured had we been watching that game with only our immediate family!

We traveled home last night, figuring that Joel wouldn't need visitors today but would benefit from recuperation time.  When Pete talked to him this afternoon, though, he said he felt fine.  The love shown by everyone, and the enjoyable conversation with people who understand him, more than compensated for the tiring effects of the trip downstairs.  Happiness heals!

When Will I Ever Learn?

Last Saturday evening, the devotional reading from Jesus Today shared these good thoughts:

“When you’re in a tough situation, your mind tends to go into overdrive.  You mentally rehearse possible solutions at breakneck speed.  You scrutinize your own abilities and those of people you might call upon for help.  If you find no immediate solution, you feel anxious.  When you find this happening, return to Me and rest in quietness.”

Just after we read this over the phone with Joel, he mentioned that one of the nurses told him he was scheduled to be moved to the University of Minnesota on Monday.  What???  Dr. P gave us a glowing report of the CT scan results on Wednesday and we thought the University people wouldn't have to do any major surgery on Joel's esophagus because things had improved significantly!  However, CT scans had been interpreted in exactly opposite ways twice before this.  We began to worry.

At about 6 am on Sunday, I woke up and my mind "went into overdrive."  Of course, I couldn't solve this problem in any way, but I mentally rehearsed a possible speech I could give to the HCMC staff, telling them they could NOT continue building up the hopes of patients, only to dash them to the ground with a contradictory interpretation of the test.  I laid awake for at least an hour, mulling over this challenge.

After church, Pete decided to travel to the hospital and track down someone who could give us answers.  Once there, he talked to Dr. P, who informed him that the U of M doctors concurred; there would be no transfer to the U, no major surgery there, and things have improved.  Dr. H would send a scope down Joel's throat on Tuesday to see about the esophagus hole, but that was the only planned procedure at this point.

I was very thankful, of course, but also ashamed.  The Lord gave me a message of peace just minutes before I needed it, and I completely ignored it.  When will I ever learn?  "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."  

Turning the Tide

A friend wrote comparing the battle for Joel's health to Israel's battle against the Amalekites in Exodus 17.  While Joshua and his hand-picked men fought, Moses planted himself on a nearby hill and held up his staff.  As long as it remained aloft, the Israelites had the advantage, but when Moses dropped his hands, the momentum shifted.  When Moses grew too tired, Aaron and Hur set him on a stone and propped up his arms from either side.  His hands stayed steady til sunset, and the Israelites prevailed.  Our friend suggested that we are all called to prop up Joel as his body fights this infection and the rest of its problems.  We must not grow weary, even if Joel does.  This goes along with our call to persevere in prayer like the widow with the unrighteous judge.in Luke 18.

The United States entered World War I in 1917, after almost three years of trench warfare had decimated the European troops and drained them of hope.  The "doughboys" arrived, fresh, young, and fat, to skepticism from the hardened, battle-worn, diseased and starving warriors.  The Americans surprised everyone with their fighting skill and their supplies, strategy and spirit helped turn the tide of the war.  Like Aaron and Hur, they held up the European armies and cemented the victory.

Last week we sent Christmas picture postcards to about 40 people we guessed didn't know about our situation.  Calls and cards immediately poured in, confirming our suspicion.  More friends joined us on Facebook and more visitors posted on Caring Bridge.  It reminded me of the doughboys; these friends are fresh and full of faith, not tired and worried like some of us.  Is it a coincidence that we got a good report within a week?  Maybe not!  May they encourage Joel and turn the tide, Lord Jesus.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!                                                                JANUARY 2014

Most of you are aware that for the last six months, Joel (age 21) has been in 4 different hospitals in the Twin Cities because of a diving accident June 19, when he broke his C-5 vertebra, bruised his spinal cord and drowned.  After being revived by Daniel (age 21), he was flown by helicopter to Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis, and has had many complications impeding his recovery.   That is why we are not mailing newsletters or writing personal messages this year!   You can keep up with Joel’s progress and prayer requests on caringbridge.org (Joel Stadem) or ask to be our friends (Pete ‘n’ Kari Stadem) on Facebook.   We are very grateful for the love, prayers, visits and practical support we’ve received from so many friends and relatives; please consider this a thank you, because we haven’t written any of those either!   We trust that the Lord will bring complete healing in His good time. 

Pete & Kari have spent most of their time supporting Joel and trying to juggle the rest of the family’s schedules.  In May, Pete smashed his leg at home plate in a church softball game (he scored the run and the team won!), so he was still limping on crutches with a plate and screws in his leg when Joel got hurt.  Kari spent most of the first seven weeks in the Cities, staying with her sister at night, but since September we’ve taken turns.  Gorans Bros. (our employer) has been fantastic in their willingness to cover for Pete in the barns, and we were able to use Kari’s parents’ cars to help with transportation needs.

Our church, Svea Lutheran, has been through many trials this year.  Besides Pete’s & Joel’s accidents and several funerals, our pastor had to resign in the summer because of health issues.  Two interim pastors also developed pneumonia while serving us.  And another family had two or three major health issues at once.  However, God has been faithful to enable the congregation to do what needs to be done, and Kari is leading the music for worship once again.

Before the accidents, we had a busy year with the church dinner theater (Pete & Kari directed and wrote music for “Frankenpastor”; Sarah, Andrew and Philip had comic roles; Joel and Daniel emcee’ed the intermission); Lent and Holy Week (with the whole family together) and traveling (through a blizzard near the end of April) to the MACHE homeschoolers conference in Rochester.

Now for the rest of the family:

MICHELLE (age 25) is engaged!  After a year teaching music in Mexico, she came home in July (and what a blessing it has been to have her here to help) to pursue unity with us regarding her future with Saúl Cuevas from Puebla, Mexico.  On December 30, God miraculously brought about that unity and we couldn´t be happier about their upcoming  June wedding date.   We have all learned a lot about the Lord´s grace despite our unworthiness in this whole process.   Michelle has been working as a math interventionist at Roosevelt Elementary School in Willmar, and as a Personal Care Assistant (PCA) for a local woman, and doing temporary and odd jobs through Employment Plus.  After her marriage, she and Saúl, who works as an accountant for a college in Puebla, will likely live in Mexico for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL (age 21) moved to an apartment in Mankato with two other guys (Joel was supposed to be the third) in August and began pursuing a degree in business management.  He enjoyed his fall classes and his job in the kitchen at Grizzly’s Restaurant.   He and the friends who were at the pool when Joel drowned spent many hours on the road this summer, visiting Joel every week. 

SARAH (age 17) completed 19 credits at Ridgewater College through PSEO this fall, plus band and choir at Willmar High School, and working as a PCA for the same woman as Michelle does.  She played first base on the varsity fast-pitch softball team last spring, and on four softball teams this summer.  She will graduate from our home school in May and probably finish her two-year degree at Ridgewater over the next year.  The females of the family traveled to Chicago so photographer cousin Aanna could take Sarah’s graduation pictures.

ANDREW (age 15) thoroughly enjoyed participating in the high school musical, “Chess,” this fall.  He went to Chicago on a mission trip with the First Covenant Church in Willmar in July, played on two slow-pitch softball teams and worked many hours on the farm this summer. 

PHILIP (age 12) pitched and played third base on a summer baseball team with his cousin Joey.  Besides the parents, he has enjoyed the most time in the hospital visiting Joel.  Homeschooling has allowed Andrew and Philip to be more involved with supporting Joel since summer ended and others have had busier schedules.

And, in Sioux Falls:  During their first year of marriage, DAVID moved to a different position at Novartis, developing testing procedures; CALLIE graduated from Augustana College, works at a coffee shop and teaches harp and horse riding.   They continue to live in married housing at Augie as Callie takes a few credits to finish a philosophy minor.  Grad school for Callie looks likely this fall, necessitating a move. 

Learning to live “one day at a time” is a process for us; we waste many hours in anxiety and fear.  But God is faithful to give us what we need to face each new challenge.  As our prayers continue to receive “No” or “Not yet” answers, we are forced to examine Who we really believe in – a Santa-type god whose job is to make us all happy, or the One who suffered?    “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.”  Thank You, Jesus, that You came to be Immanuel, “God with us.”