When Will I Ever Learn?

Last Saturday evening, the devotional reading from Jesus Today shared these good thoughts:

“When you’re in a tough situation, your mind tends to go into overdrive.  You mentally rehearse possible solutions at breakneck speed.  You scrutinize your own abilities and those of people you might call upon for help.  If you find no immediate solution, you feel anxious.  When you find this happening, return to Me and rest in quietness.”

Just after we read this over the phone with Joel, he mentioned that one of the nurses told him he was scheduled to be moved to the University of Minnesota on Monday.  What???  Dr. P gave us a glowing report of the CT scan results on Wednesday and we thought the University people wouldn't have to do any major surgery on Joel's esophagus because things had improved significantly!  However, CT scans had been interpreted in exactly opposite ways twice before this.  We began to worry.

At about 6 am on Sunday, I woke up and my mind "went into overdrive."  Of course, I couldn't solve this problem in any way, but I mentally rehearsed a possible speech I could give to the HCMC staff, telling them they could NOT continue building up the hopes of patients, only to dash them to the ground with a contradictory interpretation of the test.  I laid awake for at least an hour, mulling over this challenge.

After church, Pete decided to travel to the hospital and track down someone who could give us answers.  Once there, he talked to Dr. P, who informed him that the U of M doctors concurred; there would be no transfer to the U, no major surgery there, and things have improved.  Dr. H would send a scope down Joel's throat on Tuesday to see about the esophagus hole, but that was the only planned procedure at this point.

I was very thankful, of course, but also ashamed.  The Lord gave me a message of peace just minutes before I needed it, and I completely ignored it.  When will I ever learn?  "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."