One Day at a Time, part 3

Joel didn't come home - again.  On Monday, his 21st birthday, the doctors voiced their concern over two low-grade fever and an elevated white blood cell count and ordered two tests, one for an intestinal tract infection and a swallow study.  Since the swallow study was delayed until Tuesday afternoon, his discharge didn't happen.  The first test was negative - good news! - but the only good news about the swallow study was that it wasn't in vain.  It involves swallowing barium, which Joel regurgitates every time.  We were all sure that it would show nothing, but unfortunately, it did show some kind of connection between the esophagus and this abscess area.  That began a flurry of activity, leading to a CT-scan-guided mini-operation to place a drain tube through Joel's neck into the abscess, in the hope of avoiding further surgery.  We stayed another night to support him through the ordeal, which involved him holding his head back for the hour of the procedure, and the MRI Wednesday morning to look for bone infection.  Thankfully there was no sign of that, though they will continue to treat Joel with strong antibiotics just in case.

On Tuesday night after the procedure, Pete asked Joel, "Do you feel anxious?"

"Yes," he replied.

"What are you anxious about?"  Pete probed.  Joel hesitated, unable to articulate exactly what concerned him.  So I rushed in, "He's worried about having another surgery.  It hurt SO bad, and took SO long to recover and then he was SO weakened and set back by it, and...he can't BEAR another surgery!" I was bawling and Joel was crying and Pete cried too.

My head and neck and shoulders were sore, my stomach was tense, and I had a very slight headache (I never have headaches).   This continued all day Wednesday; Pete gave me a massage and I took a bath that evening, which helped.  I was fretting and worrying about the possibility of surgery.  "Lord, PLEASE no surgery."  "Lord, he can't handle another surgery."  Etc.

On Thursday morning, the Lord graciously brought to mind the thoughts, "What good does worrying over this chance do?  He hasn't had another surgery; he is coping with the nausea and feeling rotten.  You have already let your requests be made known to Me - constantly.   Can you trust Me to be good?"  Pete confirmed the message on Friday when he called from the hospital and reported that Joel was feeling much better.  "Let's agree not to worry, OK?"  OK.

We are not immune to the temptations of this trial.  We continue to face situations that arouse anxiety, and can choose to listen to the demons of doubt or to the Holy Spirit.  We appreciate those who pray for us, and trust that we will grow in faith, love and obedience to the will of God.

Wake Up!

One day this week, physical therapists placed Joel in the "standing machine," which helped him gradually move from a sitting to a standing position.  The very next day, the doctor pointed out more movement in his left leg.  We theorize that putting weight on his foot sent a signal to his brain - "Wake up those nerves!  You need to stand up!"   Doctor Velez encouraged Joel to name his left leg and speak to it;  "Kick out!  Wake up!  Move!"  She said it would make a difference; he thinks it's silly and says he won't do it.

What struck me is the parallel to the Biblical statements about faith.  Jesus told his disciples, "Whoever says to this mountain, "Be removed and cast into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes...it shall be done."  (Mark 11)  In Matthew 8, he commends the centurion for understanding that all Jesus had to do was speak to bring healing.  Solomon advised in Proverbs 18, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."  Even medical science - at Sister Kenny, the premier spinal cord treatment center in Minnesota - is confirming the importance of faith, of hope, and of speaking "to call nonexistent things into existence."  (Rom. 4:17)  I hope Joel will change his mind about the value of talking to his leg; I hope we will all believe God's word in our hearts, speak it with our lips, and live it in our actions.

A New Life - One Day at a Time

On June 20 at 11:30 pm, my life changed for the foreseeable future.  Cole called to say, "You'd better get out to the pool."  Four hours later, he, Daniel and I pulled in to Hennepin County Medical Center and found our way to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit, where Joel lay sedated and immobilized.  A dive into the pool (into which he had dived many times before) had fractured his 5th cervical vertebra and badly bruised his spinal cord.  Now, ten days later, he is still here, battling pneumonia, has a tracheostomy and feeding tube, is completely aware of his surroundings although sleeping quite a bit, and faces an unknown recovery with an unknown time period.  My world has narrowed to this hospital room, thousands of people are praying for all of us, dozens of people are helping, and God is good.

I am NOT a "one day at a time" person.  In the words of Jimmy Stewart/George Bailey in "it's a Wonderful Life," "I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and a month from now, and ten years from now" - or whatever he says.  I'm a planner, with lists, calendars and "To Do"s everywhere.  Now the answer is always, "We don't know."  "Everyone is different."  "It's too soon to tell."      I have quit all my responsibilities except church musician, but they got someone to fill in through July, and I have no idea if I will be able to go back at that point or not.

However, I really am at peace and am learning to enjoy the little things.  The joy of reading Facebook comments, cards, texts and messages gives me a boost.  Some days I feel needed because Joel requires tilting, some other comfort thing, or getting the nurse.  Other days I am the secretary (keeping a log), the information coordinator (listening and trying to remember everything the doctors and nurses say) and the head of the prayer management team (informing people of our needs and encouraging them to keep on praying);.  The days fly by, and even if I haven't done much, I AM where I need to be, and that's enough.  "One day at a time" - it's taking on meaning for me, and it's good.

Keeping the Faith

We are praying for unity with Michelle and Saul regarding whether they are being called by God to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. Pete feels strongly that the whole thing began wrongly and doesn't feel good about it continuing unless there are major signs of repentance. No one wants a wedding with hard feelings, or even uneasy feelings, and no one wants Michelle and Saul to abandon what they feel called to do unless they have faith that God is in the abandoning. Since we went to Puebla in August, we have been praying for unity - and we don't seem to be any closer. I get quite discouraged about the prospects, but then I remember what CS Lewis wrote about the devil's delight in getting us to give in to temptation just before he would have to quit tempting us. If we can keep the faith, I believe we will see the power of the Lord. Jesus said, "Father, may they be one as we are one, that the world may know You sent me." May we receive the gift of faith!

A Little Reminder

I've been stressed out lately, with seemingly endless lists of things to do and prepare and reorganize now that summer's here and I'm not teaching history, English and math. So when I snagged my wedding ring on my sweater and realized one of the little diamonds was gone, it seemed to fit right in. I do have my ring cleaned and checked every year, but there's something about the prongs that wear down regularly. I had no idea how long the diamond had been missing or where it might have fallen out, so I was quite sure I would never see it again. I found the grace to be thankful that, unlike the time several years ago that I lost my big diamond (and found it), we do have the money to replace the gem.

Because I found the big diamond by sweeping the entire floor, I decided to try that again. I threw a little prayer into the air (as I saw it) - "Lord, it'd sure be nice if I could find that thing." Pete had also prayed that I would find it. As I walked from the bedroom to the kitchen to get a broom, I noticed a sparkle on the carpet. I leaned down and grasped - the diamond! I couldn't believe it - what were the odds?

This was a little reminder from God that He is perfectly capable of working things out. May I trust Him in the little things, the medium-sized things AND the big things.

A Prayer for Unity

Our daughter, Michelle, and her friend, Saúl, think that God might be calling them to marriage, even though he is from Puebla, near Mexico City - an $800, 7-8-hour flight, a different culture, a different country requiring passports and visas to visit, a different primary language. There are many circumstances - both have studied and spoken the other's language extensively, both love Jesus and want others to know Him, both feel the other's strengths complement theirs - that make them believe this way. Pete, on the other hand, believes that it is unwise to minimize the support of a big, strong, Christian, loving family - which each of them has - unless there is a clear sign from God showing that He wants this - a sign we haven't received, or at least haven't recognized.

I'm ambivalent and can see each point of view, but am sure that to marry without your believing father's wholehearted blessing is a dangerous move. Saúl's parents are sad to think of him possibly leaving the country, but believe that as he is in prayer, the Lord will direct him and they will support whatever decision he makes.

Last weekend the four of us - Pete & I, Michelle & Saúl - had a two-hour meeting and concluded with a commitment to pray daily for unity, and not to make a Plan B. We are stepping out in faith, believing that the God who parted the Red Sea and "holds the heart of the king in His hand" will not find it too difficult to change the minds of one or more of His children who are sincerely seeking His will, and bring us all to complete agreement as to the best course of action. We also brainstormed a number of "next action" options, and will pray about them, remaining open to an opportunity the Lord brings that we haven't thought of.

So far, so good. What is surprising me is the almost-universal reaction - deep skepticism - from strong believers in (presumably) a faithful God active in this world through His Holy Spirit. Until today, when my good friend Maggie affirmed that "this is a bold, risky step of faith - but that's what steps of faith ARE," the most common question was, "What if it takes a long time?" Others told Michelle, "Unity doesn't mean uniformity with your parents," and still others told Pete, "You've got to put your foot down."

I'm convinced that when Paul pleaded with "Euodia and Syntyche to agree in the Lord" (Phil. 4:2), he wasn't hoping they would agree to disagree. And I'm quite sure that when our Lord Jesus prayed "that they may be one" in John 15, he didn't have in mind the kind of "nonconformity" we have in the Church today. I'm thanking God for giving us the faith to proceed thus far, trusting that He will bring us to real unity, planning to testify to His faithfulness after that, and hoping to find more folks who will come alongside us, believe and pray with us to that end.

P.S. Tonight at prayer meeting our pastor was very encouraging, and another pray-er was awed by the commitment to unity of the young adults in this situation.

More Notes from Hawaii

I spent 2 days on a Silent Retreat just before leaving on vacation - it made for a busy Monday unpacking, repacking and finalizing plans for the family while we were gone! Also Sunday night - I was glad that I didn't care about the Super Bowl, as I spent the 7 hours after arriving home cleaning and planning. I figured I had had my day of rest and then some.

On the Silent Retreat, the Lord impressed on me that I try to be a good wife and mother and homemaker and music director and relative and friend in my own strength - I need to work harder, I need to be better, I need to figure out a new plan - instead of asking for the Holy Spirit's help and listening for His answer. I hoped that Pete and I could spend a fair amount of time on our vacation discussing this and figuring out how to do it in our home.

That happened, and it was great. Pete spent 2 days sick in bed, but otherwise we had very relaxing days of reconnecting, focusing on the Lord and His love for our family and for us, praying and studying the Scripture.

We sang a duet at the Ilikai Protestant Church; it has met in a hotel on Waikiki Beach for 46 years, and people from all over North America worship together - some for a couple of months, like my parents, but 5-10 first-time visitors each Sunday as well. We have sung "My Father's Wonderful World" dozens of times with an accompaniment CD, but hoped that Ginny Tiu, the church pianist, could accompany us since she plays beautifully by ear. She listened to the CD on Saturday, but without hearing what we were singing, couldn't quite feel it, so we used the CD. Halfway through the CD, it started skipping. We decided to keep singing and hope it would get better. It didn't, but Ginny came to the keyboard, fumbled around to find the key, and started playing with us! Although it's a combination of two songs, she was able to follow us until the end. It was just another example of the Lord's providence in little things as well as big.

Some other things we enjoyed (besides our adventures below):
- swimming at the Hilton beach
- going on a submarine ride
- eating at the Top of Waikiki revolving restaurant
- an onion loaf and superb ribs at Tony Roma's
- playing cards and watching fireworks at Bev Young's 13th floor beachfront condo
- watching the sunrise from a lookout point near a lighthouse by Diamond Head crater - don't know if we've ever seen such pinks
- waving to the kids from Duke Kahanamoku's statue webcam

Thanks, Lord, for a wonderful time!