Joel didn't come home - again. On Monday, his 21st birthday, the doctors voiced their concern over two low-grade fever and an elevated white blood cell count and ordered two tests, one for an intestinal tract infection and a swallow study. Since the swallow study was delayed until Tuesday afternoon, his discharge didn't happen. The first test was negative - good news! - but the only good news about the swallow study was that it wasn't in vain. It involves swallowing barium, which Joel regurgitates every time. We were all sure that it would show nothing, but unfortunately, it did show some kind of connection between the esophagus and this abscess area. That began a flurry of activity, leading to a CT-scan-guided mini-operation to place a drain tube through Joel's neck into the abscess, in the hope of avoiding further surgery. We stayed another night to support him through the ordeal, which involved him holding his head back for the hour of the procedure, and the MRI Wednesday morning to look for bone infection. Thankfully there was no sign of that, though they will continue to treat Joel with strong antibiotics just in case.
On Tuesday night after the procedure, Pete asked Joel, "Do you feel anxious?"
"Yes," he replied.
"What are you anxious about?" Pete probed. Joel hesitated, unable to articulate exactly what concerned him. So I rushed in, "He's worried about having another surgery. It hurt SO bad, and took SO long to recover and then he was SO weakened and set back by it, and...he can't BEAR another surgery!" I was bawling and Joel was crying and Pete cried too.
My head and neck and shoulders were sore, my stomach was tense, and I had a very slight headache (I never have headaches). This continued all day Wednesday; Pete gave me a massage and I took a bath that evening, which helped. I was fretting and worrying about the possibility of surgery. "Lord, PLEASE no surgery." "Lord, he can't handle another surgery." Etc.
On Thursday morning, the Lord graciously brought to mind the thoughts, "What good does worrying over this chance do? He hasn't had another surgery; he is coping with the nausea and feeling rotten. You have already let your requests be made known to Me - constantly. Can you trust Me to be good?" Pete confirmed the message on Friday when he called from the hospital and reported that Joel was feeling much better. "Let's agree not to worry, OK?" OK.
We are not immune to the temptations of this trial. We continue to face situations that arouse anxiety, and can choose to listen to the demons of doubt or to the Holy Spirit. We appreciate those who pray for us, and trust that we will grow in faith, love and obedience to the will of God.
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