A Three-Fold Cord

I've been pondering the levels or spheres of attachment this last week.  My side of the family held a reunion on Sunday at my uncle's house.  My paternal grandparents, who had only two sons, and who have been gone from this earth for thirty and fifty years, currently have 99 descendants to the fourth generation, most of whom gathered to celebrate - in the past, we have gotten together for Christmas, but now it's too hard with so many married grandchildren, so we're going to try for an annual summer party.

Astonishingly, all eighteen families retain a vibrant Christian faith.  Therefore, when we shared an update about Joel's situation, we knew that everyone present has been praying for him and for us.  In fact, most of them have put Joel on their church prayer chains or have mentioned him to their groups of friends.  And most have posted messages, emailed or even visited.  

The three spheres of attachment I'm identifying are 1) family; 2) friends, and 3) Christian family.  With my dad's side of the family, we share two of the three levels; we are family and we are Christian family.   That gives them an extra incentive to care for us.  With some of them, we are also friends.  The triple bond is the strongest of all.  

I notice that people who have only one bond with us -  family members who aren't believers or with whom we don't spend much time, friends who aren't believers, or fellow Christians who aren't family or friends - sympathize and wish us well, but those with two bonds are more involved.  And those with the triple bond - especially our siblings, with whom we share blood, faith and friendship - do things like change their basement office into an extra bedroom so that I can have my own space to stay in (this is what the Jones family just did).   We're so thankful for all the people the Lord has bonded to us.

A New Life - One Day at a Time

On June 20 at 11:30 pm, my life changed for the foreseeable future.  Cole called to say, "You'd better get out to the pool."  Four hours later, he, Daniel and I pulled in to Hennepin County Medical Center and found our way to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit, where Joel lay sedated and immobilized.  A dive into the pool (into which he had dived many times before) had fractured his 5th cervical vertebra and badly bruised his spinal cord.  Now, ten days later, he is still here, battling pneumonia, has a tracheostomy and feeding tube, is completely aware of his surroundings although sleeping quite a bit, and faces an unknown recovery with an unknown time period.  My world has narrowed to this hospital room, thousands of people are praying for all of us, dozens of people are helping, and God is good.

I am NOT a "one day at a time" person.  In the words of Jimmy Stewart/George Bailey in "it's a Wonderful Life," "I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and a month from now, and ten years from now" - or whatever he says.  I'm a planner, with lists, calendars and "To Do"s everywhere.  Now the answer is always, "We don't know."  "Everyone is different."  "It's too soon to tell."      I have quit all my responsibilities except church musician, but they got someone to fill in through July, and I have no idea if I will be able to go back at that point or not.

However, I really am at peace and am learning to enjoy the little things.  The joy of reading Facebook comments, cards, texts and messages gives me a boost.  Some days I feel needed because Joel requires tilting, some other comfort thing, or getting the nurse.  Other days I am the secretary (keeping a log), the information coordinator (listening and trying to remember everything the doctors and nurses say) and the head of the prayer management team (informing people of our needs and encouraging them to keep on praying);.  The days fly by, and even if I haven't done much, I AM where I need to be, and that's enough.  "One day at a time" - it's taking on meaning for me, and it's good.

Lies We Believe

A recently-divorced friend (call her Peggy, since I have no friends by that name) posted on Facebook, "I read that my kids will remember my attitude more than the things I tried to teach them.  It made me cry, because my kids had me during the worst years of my life, when I was a stressed-out, depressed person.  That's not who I really am.  I'm sorry, kids - I wish it could have been different."

This troubled me, but I had to think about it quite a while before I realized why.  The lies Peggy believes are so thick that it's hard to untangle them and evaluate them one at a time.

1.  I'm not me some of the time.  This friend and her husband dealt with some very difficult circumstances.  Unfortunately, Peggy responded with anger, bitterness, blame (in her words, "stress" and "depression") and ultimately, the decision to shed her husband like a snake sheds its old, worn-out skin.  Now she feels liberated, as though she is blossoming into her true self.  She's happy and carefree, as she remembers feeling in the early years of her marriage.  But who was stressed-out and depressed?  Peggy.  Who regularly lashed out at her husband and kids?  Peggy.  Who broke up their unhappy home?  Peggy.  Some other person did not take possession of Peggy's body.  She really was, and is, that person.

2.  Circumstances control our lives; we are just victims.  Those "worst years" could have been the best years, had Peggy responded with patience, trust or love to the trials she faced.  Her three daughters could be filled with admiration at what their mother endured and gratitude for an intact, happy home despite their troubles.  My own parents had many ups and downs in their 38-year marriage, but at my mother's funeral, I cried with joy that we had walked the cancer journey together as a whole family.

3.  Things couldn't have been any different.  Things could have been different.  When her husband turned out to be a jerk, as all men are occasionally, Peggy could have remembered why she married him in the first place and patiently waited for things to get better.  She could have restrained her tongue at home as she does at work.  She could have sought counseling with a willingness to change herself instead of a preconceived determination that her husband or the circumstances were at fault.  She could have surrounded herself with people who believed, "Murder, maybe; divorce, never."  She could have recognized her own complicity in the problems and extended grace to her husband and daughters.

This whole post depressed me because Peggy continues to see herself as a victim and therefore doesn't see any need to change her own attitudes.  Does she really believe that now that her husband is out of her home, no trials will ever arise?  Or that she will somehow respond with grace and joy to future difficulties, when she has a completely different pattern firmly entrenched in her psyche?

I am no better than Peggy.  I have the same negative reactions, the same self-righteous bitterness, the same tendency to blame others and lash out at them.  What will my children remember?  I pray they will remember that Jesus Christ forgives and renews me and them.  I pray they will remember that the Holy Spirit "calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies" us.  I pray they will remember my humble moments.  And I pray they will remember that two jerks can live together in peace and love through God's power.

Honor your Father and Mother

(by Pete)

John (not his real name) called me last night and asked if the men were meeting in the morning. They weren’t, but I had wondered about going to the church every Friday even if no one else was there. So he brought muffins this morning, and we chatted, then read the Daily Text, Mark 4:22. That led to the Masterbuilders Bible with its questions, which led to discussion about family stuff. John is having issues with Mike, who won't listen to him. His grandpa started him in a pickleball league and it has been as many as three nights a week playing pickleball. “That’s too many.”

"John Jr. is home from college and I tell him to clean his gun from last fall. He doesn’t do it so I hide his shirt and tell him he can get it back when he cleans his gun. The gun still isn’t cleaned. Mike was told to feed the dog when he feeds his rabbit and he doesn’t do it."

We talked about honor and I turned to Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” If only our children would trust that this commandment is for flawed and broken parents as well as good ones. We need to emphasize the promise attached, I told John. We looked at Malachi and reviewed how our hearts need to be turned to our children or there will be a curse. John has tried to get his children to join him hunting and fishing. . .

We talked about the mustard seed size and marveled that the little thing can even germinate. Yet we are to plant the seed and trust that God does the growth. In our prayers we asked God to help us turn our hearts to our children and for our children to see the blessing in the commandment and for the seed to grow without our anger or manipulation to help it along. Apparently John's wife sided with John Jr. and told John to give back the shirt, but John prevailed. We also prayed that our wives would respect us and that we would love our wives.

I shared my own family struggles. And ours are good, strong, stable families! Lord have mercy.

A Great Day to be a Viking!

We had a wonderful weekend at the Augustana Homecoming. After arriving at Steve & Tanya's Friday night and visiting with the family until midnight, we were at HyVee's restaurant at 9 on Saturday morning for breakfast with them all. Grandpa came in later than the rest of us, and as he went from table to table getting hugs from all twenty or so, customers were looking, if not staring and pointing. :)

The Augie parade began at 10, so we headed over to watch and connect with Pete's friends from college. We ran into several and found Tom & Tacey by the Dignitary Tent - they're definitely dignified! It's always enjoyable to catch up with people from the past, and we kept visiting long after the parade was over and David was calling, "Where are you??" He had marched with the Augustana Marching Choir, singing "We are Marching in the Light of God" and doing Chinese fire drills and having lots of fun.

We went to lunch at Johnny Carino's with David, his girlfriend Callie, and her parents, Jon & Lori. They are delightful Christian people and we visited for a couple of hours. We will be praying for wisdom and discernment for David & Callie as they seek to know whether they are called to be together - permanently!

After a short nap, choir rehearsal for Pete, and a snack for him (Kari's tummy was upset, possibly because of the drugs she was taking to ward off cold symptoms), we saved 14 seats at Viking Varieties, the all-Augie talent show. When everyone had arrived, the show started - and what a show! The Brass Choir - David's roommate Michael played euphonium - performed a very long and impressive medley of New York-type tunes ("The Big Apple" was the theme of the entire weekend), followed by numerous individual and small group acts. David, Callie and 2 other friends offered a rendition of "Java Jive" which elicited laughter from the crowd as well as admiration for their vocal skills. David was one of the Augie Dancers and did quite well one two of the songs. Callie played harp and sang "Cartwheels" with another friend of hers - beautiful in every way. An international student from Kazakhstan entertained and amazed everyone with his explanations of Russian, Chinese and Japanese accents (in English!). Several female vocalists, male saxophonists, and a unicyclist displayed their lovely talents, and the set, choreography, costumes and lighting all combined to enhance the experience. The emcees may not have been of the caliber of Pete and Joel back in the day, but their original material and fairly smooth delivery made for good transitions. The last act, the Augie Percussion Ensemble performing "Stinkin' Garbage" - playing on metal trash cans - was very fun, exciting and astounding.

On Sunday Pete sang in the Alumni Choir for the worship service in the Elmen Center (gym). They did "O Day Full of Grace" by F. Melius Christiansen, a gorgeous arrangement that my high school choir sang, and also "Beautiful Savior" and "God Be With You til we Meet Again." Dr. James Johnson, who left last year after a 19-year stint with the Augustana Choir, directed the Alumni Choir. We were all invited to the President's House for a light brunch and official farewell to Dr. J. There was a lot of emotion from people who sang for him for 3 or 4 years - he was beloved.

Kari napped in the minivan while Pete and the kids ate subs and played at Tuthill Park, then we went to McDonald's for coffee with Grandma and Grandpa and played cards at their house. Then it was on the road again, turning off the Vikings game when it became apparent what a disaster it was going to be, and arriving home at 10:30. Another successful family outing!

David's Voice Recital Weekend

What a fun time in Sioux Falls this weekend! Our schedule:

Friday - depart at 3:45pm (Pete, Kari, Sarah, Andrew & Philip), hoping to avoid the slippery, snow-packed, low visibility roads that Pete had been driving in (moving turkeys) all morning. We sure did - it was sunny and the roads were perfectly clear all the way down.

Mom & Dad Stadem fed us delicious lasagna, the Tom's came over and the kids played computer and cards, the adults played a card game called 3-13 that we'd learned from Bev Young in Hawaii.

Saturday - We met the Tom's at HyVee, where Dad bought us all breakfast - very good. We visited until almost noon, then the kids went with the Tom's and the parents went to a funeral. We went to Augustana and met Michelle & David. We had lunch with them in the cafeteria and talked about the future - primarily Michelle's - until 4, strolled down to the Huddle and discussed it all until 6, then over to the HyVee Deli and ate Chinese and chicken until 8! We didn't really get anything resolved, but agreed to pray for unity in Christ regarding the decisions Michelle has to make. David has applied to Riverside Bible Camp, Campus Crusade's Summer Project, and summer research at Augustana. He'll wait to hear back from all 3 before making a decision.

When we had had enough, Pete & Kari picked up Philip & Beka at Tom's and brought them to Steve's, who had just arrived home from Lanesboro. The 3 youngest cousins had a sleepover there, and we went back to the parents'.

Sunday - At Gloria Dei Lutheran Church we were blessed by the praise team (Steve played guitar), the sermon and a middle school liturgical dance group. Kari cries during songs whenever she doesn't lead worship. What's up with that? Pastor Tim Selbow's main point: the devil may win certain battles but he's already lost the war. Pete & Tim have a friend in common - Jim Luebe, our colleague from Tentmakers, played baseball with Tim at Luther College.

Dad S treated us and the Steve's to pancakes and eggs at the VFW. Full of good food, we meandered over to Kresge Hall at Augustana for David's sophomore recital. He, Callie Berg and Ali Hoffman sang art music in English, Italian, German and French beautifully. We especially enjoyed an English song about "all the girls I swore to love forever" that really showed off David's range, tone, breath, and control.

Steve & Tanya hosted us all - Browns, Steve's, Tom's, the parents, and our family - for HyVee chicken, potato salad, lefse, chips and salad. It felt like we ate the whole weekend long! After visiting for a couple of hours, we had an uneventful drive home and prepared to re-enter the daily routine after losing an hour to Daylight Savings Time.

Thanks, Lord, for a wonderful family, great weather and beautiful music!

Our Homesickness

A conversation yesterday reminded me of a Christmas when Michelle was little. With only 11 in the family, we celebrated at Pete's parents' home, and he found me in the bedroom, crying - sobbing, really. He hadn't seen that very often, so was distressed - "What's wrong?" I couldn't exactly explain. The Stadem family is one of the most welcoming I have ever known, and they were great to me - but at that moment, all that mattered was that they weren't MY family, and it was Christmas.

I had been a little scornful of my sister's crying when she was separated from our family one Christmas Eve a few years earlier by a blizzard; after all, she was with our uncle's family, what was the big deal? Now I understood.

Once in a while, I will get that same homesick feeling even when I'm in my home, or with my family (my family being husband and children by now). I think it's a homesickness for the kingdom of God. Even though this world is a great place, even though our families and friends are wonderful people, even though our lives are worthwhile and fulfilling and happy, we are made for something different. I cry on God's shoulder, and He whispers, "Soon you'll be home."

Norling Christmas Celebrations

We had the Norling Christmas gatherings this weekend. The Palmer Norling family (my dad and his descendants) celebrated on Friday evening at my brother's home, and the Albin Norling family (my grandpa's descendants - he's been gone for 25 years) celebrated yesterday at my uncle's home.

What joy! At my brother's, the cousins had drawn names to buy gifts for each other. I wish you could have seen the grateful and giddy expressions on the little ones' faces as they hugged the cousin who had drawn their names and given them just what they wanted (thanks to the moms for good lists!). And especially the expressions on the givers' faces as they realized what a blessing they had provided. The Thursday snowstorm had prevented my big boys from shopping, so they left work early and found their cousin gifts on the way to the celebration - and did a great job! Michelle had brother Andrew's name instead of a cousin, and she made a poster with candy bars taped to it and a message using the words of the candy to say she'd take him to a coffee shop some time. Very creative!

Of course, the food at both potlucks was superb - ham dinner at one, turkey dinner at the other. At my uncle's, it was great to see my cousin Torry and his family, who moved to Orlando this summer to work for The Jesus Film. We were a small crowd this year - only 60 - because 4 families, totaling 23, weren't able to be there. Why so many, from my grandparents who had just 2 boys? Well, my dad has 3 children and 16 grandchildren (in the picture above), and his brother has 3 children, 18 grandchildren (10 have spouses), and 20 great-grandchildren. We all believe God loves people and wants more of them! Feasting and visiting with fellow believers who share the same values as well as heritage just can't be beat.

Also at my uncle Ray's, he thanked everyone for their prayers. Last year he was diagnosed with 90% aggressive prostate cancer. After treating it with radiation, natural foods, and prayer, it had shrunk to the point where they removed it this last August. They spent 3 days in the lab cutting it up and trying to find some cancer. They found 0% - praise the Lord! Ray knew that over 100 people were praying for him.

My heart goes out to people whose family times are filled with stress, strife, anxiety or bitterness. I pray that they may find a peaceful, loving family in the Church of Jesus Christ.