A New Life - One Day at a Time

On June 20 at 11:30 pm, my life changed for the foreseeable future.  Cole called to say, "You'd better get out to the pool."  Four hours later, he, Daniel and I pulled in to Hennepin County Medical Center and found our way to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit, where Joel lay sedated and immobilized.  A dive into the pool (into which he had dived many times before) had fractured his 5th cervical vertebra and badly bruised his spinal cord.  Now, ten days later, he is still here, battling pneumonia, has a tracheostomy and feeding tube, is completely aware of his surroundings although sleeping quite a bit, and faces an unknown recovery with an unknown time period.  My world has narrowed to this hospital room, thousands of people are praying for all of us, dozens of people are helping, and God is good.

I am NOT a "one day at a time" person.  In the words of Jimmy Stewart/George Bailey in "it's a Wonderful Life," "I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and a month from now, and ten years from now" - or whatever he says.  I'm a planner, with lists, calendars and "To Do"s everywhere.  Now the answer is always, "We don't know."  "Everyone is different."  "It's too soon to tell."      I have quit all my responsibilities except church musician, but they got someone to fill in through July, and I have no idea if I will be able to go back at that point or not.

However, I really am at peace and am learning to enjoy the little things.  The joy of reading Facebook comments, cards, texts and messages gives me a boost.  Some days I feel needed because Joel requires tilting, some other comfort thing, or getting the nurse.  Other days I am the secretary (keeping a log), the information coordinator (listening and trying to remember everything the doctors and nurses say) and the head of the prayer management team (informing people of our needs and encouraging them to keep on praying);.  The days fly by, and even if I haven't done much, I AM where I need to be, and that's enough.  "One day at a time" - it's taking on meaning for me, and it's good.

It's All About Communication

We had a family reunion over the Fourth of July weekend. Everyone had a wonderful time, but there was some frustration on the part of the property owners because this was an "off" year, which means people were supposed to come to work on the property, preparing for next year's larger reunion. Instead, 50 people visited and ate all weekend, with about half of them working for an hour (maybe two). Most brought at least some food, but quite a few mooched off the rest, and only about ten people helped in the kitchen. People appropriated rooms in the house without asking, and didn't even help with the final cleanup.

As some of the owners and spouses were discussing the frustration (myself among them), we realized that we have allowed this to happen by a lack of communication. We haven't publicized a work schedule or list of projects in advance. We have opened the kitchen, put out all the food, and cleaned up afterwards, instead of just feeding our own families. We haven't even made a policy about the house, let alone communicated it to anyone. And then we wonder why people make us so upset!

I've been studying "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero with my ladies for the past few months. One of last week's topics was "Expectations." The author wrote, "An expectation has not been established until it is 1) conscious, 2) realistic, 3) spoken and 4) agreed upon." Too often, we are angry because others have not met our expectations, even though the expectation hasn't actually been established since one or more (often all four!) of the criteria have not been met.

I hope our future family reunions will be characterized by positive communication, agreed-upon expectations, and a good balance between work and rest!