Saint and Sinner

I was overwhelmed with the sense of my own sinfulness yesterday. First, our substitute pastor allowed a good long time for "reflection" during the Confession of Sins, so I had ample time to remember that I hadn't prayed with the praise team before worship began. I want to do that, but more often than not I forget. What does that say about my focus on the Lord? Nothing good!

Next, we sang "Lord, Have Mercy" with its verse lines "Jesus, I've forgotten the words that You have spoken" and "I have built an altar where I worship things of men," which spoke to me more than usual. I bustle about, doing good things for the most part, but am I helping people know You better? Not often. Am I truly sacrificing? Not often.

The scriptures were about the call of God and coming to Jesus, so I decided to sing "Come to Jesus" for the offering. It's a difficult song which I hadn't sung since before losing my voice, so I was praying that God would bring me through it. It's also a very emotional song and I usually cry when rehearsing it. The verse about "Don't be afraid to crawl and remember when we walk, sometimes we fall, so fall on Jesus" hit me hard, and then the next verse was "if your sky is dark and pours the rain, cry to Jesus" and I cried and sang because the Chambers family was there and Dona has just been put on hospice and everything is hard. I was able to sing while crying, and quit by the next verse.

While at the communion rail, I was struck by the necessity for communion - our ongoing sinfulness, our ongoing stubbornness, our ongoing need of a Savior. I am the chief of sinners - I have everything, yet am discontent; I know Jesus, yet forget Him; I believe His kingdom has come, yet live according to this world's rules so very often. Lord, I believe - help my unbelief!

During the last song, I completely messed up - not once, but twice - playing and singing the verse when the chorus was called for, and vice versa. My praise team will forgive me, for which I am so thankful, and the congregation will too. But it's just another example - in this case, not deliberate sin, of course, but it still hurt the worship flow and the comfort level of the congregation - of our continually missing the mark. Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ!