Just over two weeks have passed since I left Joel and his full therapy schedule at Sister Kenny to return home to motherhood of a big family. Two weeks of homeschooling, household management, church music, and trying to restore organization seem like a blur. I still want to enjoy reading a good book, as I did during lunch breaks and before bed while caring for Joel in the hospitals, but guilt plagues me because if I take the time to do so, tasks remain unfinished. Coordinating trips to town ("Can anybody carpool today?"), meals for six ("Who's going to be home for lunch? Supper?"), laundry, cleaning chores and educational needs takes a lot more energy, effort and time than scratching Joel's head, listening to his caregivers and medical personnel, and keeping a positive attitude. Plus I don't sleep as many hours or get outside as much.
Reading the above paragraph makes me wonder why I'm not spending more time with the Lord. It sounds like I need His strength more than ever! But ironically, I seem to think I can get by with less prayer and Bible time, and skipping the "gratitude journal," because now I'm in familiar territory. Also, I have much more human interaction with the kids and Pete, so quiet time is harder to come by. No wonder I'm feeling burned out already, and lack energy and motivation. Lord, forgive my pride and help me seek Your face, Your Spirit, Your wisdom and Your strength.
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