Studying

Studying has always been a challenge for me.  I didn't have to do it at all until college, when the shock felt like a slap in the face - "you mean I have to TAKE STUFF HOME AND DO IT THERE???"  Learning came so effortlessly for me that I really felt I didn't learn anything from my classes for the first ten years or so of school.  Thus, I didn't learn good study habits young, and I often believe that if something doesn't come easily, I won't get it at all so I shouldn't bother to try.

This has led to amazed pride in Sarah, as she works hard at her Ridgewater College studies and succeeds.  Michelle and David, like me, didn't have to study; Joel and Daniel chose to play instead of study.  But Sarah struggles and tries and strives until she figures it out.  She'll ask for help, too.  Though she can't get an A without effort, nevertheless she gets As.  It's great!

I haven't done very well at teaching good study skills or habits to the kids in home school, for the above reasons.  So when Andrew took an Accuplacer practice test and failed, I wasn't sure what to do.  The Accuplacer test is used by Ridgewater to determine whether a student can take college-level courses.  All of our kids have had no problem qualifying in the reading and writing areas, so they can take most classes.  But all have struggled with the math portion, and I've heard that many more students fail than pass.  In fact, an algebra tutor at another college came here and failed the placement for college-level math!

I believed that Andrew had learned enough math to cope with a college course, but he wasn't able to demonstrate it on the practice test.  He kept asking me for help on various problems.  Finally, after three weeks of figuring different problems on different practice tests, we realized that he should do multiple problems of the same type at the same time, to cement the proper method in his mind.  After about a week of this, he quit asking me for help.  Last Friday he took the test - and qualified!  That will save him hundreds of dollars in remedial courses, and teaches me a valuable lesson about studying:  it works!

Humble Love

On Good Friday, Pastor Don preached about humble love conquering even death.  The point was that on the cross, Jesus performed no miracle, showed no mastery over death, demonstrated no power.  He was completely helpless and weak.

We were planning to watch The Passion of the Christ after the service, and this message started me thinking about the first time I watched the movie.  The strength and power of Jesus struck me.  Although He didn't, it was obvious that He could have stopped all the torture at any time but chose not to.  (Great acting).  Anyway, it occurred to me that humble love is always like that.  Though it looks weak, it must be strong and have a choice; otherwise, it's just humble enabling or codependency or whatever.  If a person is tortured and can't stop it, that's weakness.  But if the person chooses to forgive his torturers, that's humble love and that can bring God's kingdom.

If a mother accepts her son's wrong choices because she's afraid of his rejection, that's weakness.  But if she, though fully prepared to and capable of making a stand for the truth, chooses to give up her rights to his obedience, overlook his offense and ask the Lord to do the same, that's humble love and can reverse the process of sin and death itself.  "Love covers a multitude of sins."

If Susie continually takes advantage of Jane, who puts up with it because she believes she's not worthy of friendship, that's weakness.  But if Jane is confident in the Lord and chooses to put up with Susie and even go the extra mile, that's humble love which might help Susie receive eternal life.

To the onlooker, codependent weakness and humble love will often appear the same, so we should decline to judge another's relationships.   And if we try to let others know about our own humble love, we run the risk of ruining the whole thing.  That's why I'm not giving any personal examples here.

None of us will perfectly display humble love.  But may we ever walk more closely with Jesus,
 and receive His humble love to share with others.

Random Thoughts

Just some random thoughts and happenings...

Joel had surgery on Thursday to stitch his esophagus holes closed and reinforce them with a neck muscle stitched in behind.  Thoughts:

1.  I was planning to come alone, but the visibility was so bad Thurs. morning that Pete drove me in.  What a blessing it is to have two of us with different abilities to contribute.

2.  Pete got to hear Dr. H's explanation of what exactly he did.  Pete's doubts and concerns vanished when he understood the mechanics of it.  How often are our fears a result of misunderstanding?

3.  Thursday night Joel was in a lot of pain, and wanted me to stay until he "went to bed," though unfortunately he hasn't been able to sleep.  Yesterday he started dozing well in the evening, and I was just sitting beside his bed holding his hand.  I didn't feel very useful, so suggested that I would go home and Michelle would be here today.  He said, "I would like you to stay," and asked that I get here at 9 instead of 10.  Now here I sit again, but I am learning that just being here and touching Joel IS "doing something."    A good lesson for our society, with its emphasis on productivity.

4.  A while ago - maybe after that bout of mental overdrive that I blogged about - I received a sense of assurance that this esophagus problem was going to be solved.  Since then, despite the ongoing challenges, I haven't felt that sense of despair or hopelessness; I have been confident that the troubles will end.  After this surgery, I felt and still feel very strongly that this repair is going to hold up and this is the beginning of the end of this particular problem.  I felt the same way about Michelle's situation - I confidently stated more than once, "She WILL NOT get married without our blessing."  I was right about that; we'll see if I am right about this.  Does God occasionally give me "extra" faith for certain things?  If so, is there any way I can do to get more?  Stay tuned...

Shoulder Time

A friend mentioned that their marriage counselor recommended "shoulder time," where the couple just sits next to each other, possibly relaxing or doing something stationary, like knitting or reading.  I suppose this contrasts with "face time," where you are trying to intentionally build the relationship and might have more pressure to perform or accomplish some emotional breakthrough.  Maybe it's helpful because you can just rest together and that builds community.

I haven't watched the Olympics in years, so last night during the opening ceremonies I decided Pete and I should try "shoulder time"; he was agreeable, so we sat on the floor, bracing our backs against the ottoman, and started watching.  The Russian stadium was filled with beauty, light and interesting history, but I couldn't believe how hard it was for me to sit still and just watch.  I popped up during every commercial to clean the kitchen, and then to get everything out of our old media cabinet (just boards on bricks) so I could rearrange them in the new stand.  I don't know if this "shoulder time" would be helpful or not - maybe it would be - but I don't know if I can even do it!  Stay tuned...

Super Bowl Cheer

"A cheerful heart is good medicine."  Prov. 17:22  We saw the truth of this proverb yesterday as Joel rolled into the basement conference room at HCMC and 31 visitors screamed and hollered and cheered - silently!  We didn't want to overwhelm him with noise and commotion, so we pantomimed the welcome we would normally have given.  Soon the party settled into controlled chaos, however, as small groups visited throughout the room and the projector TV system blared the Super Bowl game and ads continuously.  Parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends brought snacks to share and everyone ate their fill (except Joel).  Cole drove 250 miles to get there, but he said it was "worth it all."   Joel sat in his wheelchair for almost 2 1/2 hours; his smiles blessed the whole crowd.  Though his pain increased throughout the evening, he wanted to remain as long as possible.  When he returned to his bed, Daniel and a couple of friends went back with him to finish watching the Denver debacle.   I can only imagine the misery we would have endured had we been watching that game with only our immediate family!

We traveled home last night, figuring that Joel wouldn't need visitors today but would benefit from recuperation time.  When Pete talked to him this afternoon, though, he said he felt fine.  The love shown by everyone, and the enjoyable conversation with people who understand him, more than compensated for the tiring effects of the trip downstairs.  Happiness heals!

When Will I Ever Learn?

Last Saturday evening, the devotional reading from Jesus Today shared these good thoughts:

“When you’re in a tough situation, your mind tends to go into overdrive.  You mentally rehearse possible solutions at breakneck speed.  You scrutinize your own abilities and those of people you might call upon for help.  If you find no immediate solution, you feel anxious.  When you find this happening, return to Me and rest in quietness.”

Just after we read this over the phone with Joel, he mentioned that one of the nurses told him he was scheduled to be moved to the University of Minnesota on Monday.  What???  Dr. P gave us a glowing report of the CT scan results on Wednesday and we thought the University people wouldn't have to do any major surgery on Joel's esophagus because things had improved significantly!  However, CT scans had been interpreted in exactly opposite ways twice before this.  We began to worry.

At about 6 am on Sunday, I woke up and my mind "went into overdrive."  Of course, I couldn't solve this problem in any way, but I mentally rehearsed a possible speech I could give to the HCMC staff, telling them they could NOT continue building up the hopes of patients, only to dash them to the ground with a contradictory interpretation of the test.  I laid awake for at least an hour, mulling over this challenge.

After church, Pete decided to travel to the hospital and track down someone who could give us answers.  Once there, he talked to Dr. P, who informed him that the U of M doctors concurred; there would be no transfer to the U, no major surgery there, and things have improved.  Dr. H would send a scope down Joel's throat on Tuesday to see about the esophagus hole, but that was the only planned procedure at this point.

I was very thankful, of course, but also ashamed.  The Lord gave me a message of peace just minutes before I needed it, and I completely ignored it.  When will I ever learn?  "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."  

Turning the Tide

A friend wrote comparing the battle for Joel's health to Israel's battle against the Amalekites in Exodus 17.  While Joshua and his hand-picked men fought, Moses planted himself on a nearby hill and held up his staff.  As long as it remained aloft, the Israelites had the advantage, but when Moses dropped his hands, the momentum shifted.  When Moses grew too tired, Aaron and Hur set him on a stone and propped up his arms from either side.  His hands stayed steady til sunset, and the Israelites prevailed.  Our friend suggested that we are all called to prop up Joel as his body fights this infection and the rest of its problems.  We must not grow weary, even if Joel does.  This goes along with our call to persevere in prayer like the widow with the unrighteous judge.in Luke 18.

The United States entered World War I in 1917, after almost three years of trench warfare had decimated the European troops and drained them of hope.  The "doughboys" arrived, fresh, young, and fat, to skepticism from the hardened, battle-worn, diseased and starving warriors.  The Americans surprised everyone with their fighting skill and their supplies, strategy and spirit helped turn the tide of the war.  Like Aaron and Hur, they held up the European armies and cemented the victory.

Last week we sent Christmas picture postcards to about 40 people we guessed didn't know about our situation.  Calls and cards immediately poured in, confirming our suspicion.  More friends joined us on Facebook and more visitors posted on Caring Bridge.  It reminded me of the doughboys; these friends are fresh and full of faith, not tired and worried like some of us.  Is it a coincidence that we got a good report within a week?  Maybe not!  May they encourage Joel and turn the tide, Lord Jesus.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!                                                                JANUARY 2014

Most of you are aware that for the last six months, Joel (age 21) has been in 4 different hospitals in the Twin Cities because of a diving accident June 19, when he broke his C-5 vertebra, bruised his spinal cord and drowned.  After being revived by Daniel (age 21), he was flown by helicopter to Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis, and has had many complications impeding his recovery.   That is why we are not mailing newsletters or writing personal messages this year!   You can keep up with Joel’s progress and prayer requests on caringbridge.org (Joel Stadem) or ask to be our friends (Pete ‘n’ Kari Stadem) on Facebook.   We are very grateful for the love, prayers, visits and practical support we’ve received from so many friends and relatives; please consider this a thank you, because we haven’t written any of those either!   We trust that the Lord will bring complete healing in His good time. 

Pete & Kari have spent most of their time supporting Joel and trying to juggle the rest of the family’s schedules.  In May, Pete smashed his leg at home plate in a church softball game (he scored the run and the team won!), so he was still limping on crutches with a plate and screws in his leg when Joel got hurt.  Kari spent most of the first seven weeks in the Cities, staying with her sister at night, but since September we’ve taken turns.  Gorans Bros. (our employer) has been fantastic in their willingness to cover for Pete in the barns, and we were able to use Kari’s parents’ cars to help with transportation needs.

Our church, Svea Lutheran, has been through many trials this year.  Besides Pete’s & Joel’s accidents and several funerals, our pastor had to resign in the summer because of health issues.  Two interim pastors also developed pneumonia while serving us.  And another family had two or three major health issues at once.  However, God has been faithful to enable the congregation to do what needs to be done, and Kari is leading the music for worship once again.

Before the accidents, we had a busy year with the church dinner theater (Pete & Kari directed and wrote music for “Frankenpastor”; Sarah, Andrew and Philip had comic roles; Joel and Daniel emcee’ed the intermission); Lent and Holy Week (with the whole family together) and traveling (through a blizzard near the end of April) to the MACHE homeschoolers conference in Rochester.

Now for the rest of the family:

MICHELLE (age 25) is engaged!  After a year teaching music in Mexico, she came home in July (and what a blessing it has been to have her here to help) to pursue unity with us regarding her future with Saúl Cuevas from Puebla, Mexico.  On December 30, God miraculously brought about that unity and we couldn´t be happier about their upcoming  June wedding date.   We have all learned a lot about the Lord´s grace despite our unworthiness in this whole process.   Michelle has been working as a math interventionist at Roosevelt Elementary School in Willmar, and as a Personal Care Assistant (PCA) for a local woman, and doing temporary and odd jobs through Employment Plus.  After her marriage, she and Saúl, who works as an accountant for a college in Puebla, will likely live in Mexico for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL (age 21) moved to an apartment in Mankato with two other guys (Joel was supposed to be the third) in August and began pursuing a degree in business management.  He enjoyed his fall classes and his job in the kitchen at Grizzly’s Restaurant.   He and the friends who were at the pool when Joel drowned spent many hours on the road this summer, visiting Joel every week. 

SARAH (age 17) completed 19 credits at Ridgewater College through PSEO this fall, plus band and choir at Willmar High School, and working as a PCA for the same woman as Michelle does.  She played first base on the varsity fast-pitch softball team last spring, and on four softball teams this summer.  She will graduate from our home school in May and probably finish her two-year degree at Ridgewater over the next year.  The females of the family traveled to Chicago so photographer cousin Aanna could take Sarah’s graduation pictures.

ANDREW (age 15) thoroughly enjoyed participating in the high school musical, “Chess,” this fall.  He went to Chicago on a mission trip with the First Covenant Church in Willmar in July, played on two slow-pitch softball teams and worked many hours on the farm this summer. 

PHILIP (age 12) pitched and played third base on a summer baseball team with his cousin Joey.  Besides the parents, he has enjoyed the most time in the hospital visiting Joel.  Homeschooling has allowed Andrew and Philip to be more involved with supporting Joel since summer ended and others have had busier schedules.

And, in Sioux Falls:  During their first year of marriage, DAVID moved to a different position at Novartis, developing testing procedures; CALLIE graduated from Augustana College, works at a coffee shop and teaches harp and horse riding.   They continue to live in married housing at Augie as Callie takes a few credits to finish a philosophy minor.  Grad school for Callie looks likely this fall, necessitating a move. 

Learning to live “one day at a time” is a process for us; we waste many hours in anxiety and fear.  But God is faithful to give us what we need to face each new challenge.  As our prayers continue to receive “No” or “Not yet” answers, we are forced to examine Who we really believe in – a Santa-type god whose job is to make us all happy, or the One who suffered?    “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.”  Thank You, Jesus, that You came to be Immanuel, “God with us.”

Back Where We Started

We are back where we started, on the SICU floor at HCMC in downtown Minneapolis.  Joel came here by ambulance yesterday afternoon and had a surgical procedure done by the ENT team at about 11 pm.  Dr. H went through his mouth to access the abscess (sounds like a song, "OK, everybody, access the abscess with me!") , remove all infection, irrigate the cavity, and insert a drain tube through Joel's nose to hold the incision open until the air pocket underneath can heal from the bottom up.

Saturday, when Joel felt even worse than Friday, my heart sank.  It sank even lower when he spiked a fever that evening, and when the home health nurse recommended an ER trip.  At midnight as I lay down, I decided to take Pete's advice and put something edifying in my mind.  "EM Bounds on Prayer" caught my eye and I opened to the first chapter - "Prayer and Faith."    Tears filled my eyes as I read that we should not fret if the Lord delays His answer, because He has a greater work that needs to happen first.  "Jacob had to be changed before Esau could be."

On Sunday morning before Pete took him in, I read the passage to them and we all agreed it was what we needed to hear.  The sermon by visiting pastor B also spoke to my heart:  "If your situation has changed dramatically for the worse, like the exiles in Babylon - get on with your lives."

I cried when making the announcement in church, and got plenty of hugs afterwards.   At 3 Pete informed me that the ambulance left Willmar to head to HCMC.   Today we have heard from at least four different teams of doctors, and I am glad to be here where I'm confident they won't let Joel go until this problem is solved.  Lord, may we patiently wait for Your greater work to be completed.

One Day at a Time, part 3

Joel didn't come home - again.  On Monday, his 21st birthday, the doctors voiced their concern over two low-grade fever and an elevated white blood cell count and ordered two tests, one for an intestinal tract infection and a swallow study.  Since the swallow study was delayed until Tuesday afternoon, his discharge didn't happen.  The first test was negative - good news! - but the only good news about the swallow study was that it wasn't in vain.  It involves swallowing barium, which Joel regurgitates every time.  We were all sure that it would show nothing, but unfortunately, it did show some kind of connection between the esophagus and this abscess area.  That began a flurry of activity, leading to a CT-scan-guided mini-operation to place a drain tube through Joel's neck into the abscess, in the hope of avoiding further surgery.  We stayed another night to support him through the ordeal, which involved him holding his head back for the hour of the procedure, and the MRI Wednesday morning to look for bone infection.  Thankfully there was no sign of that, though they will continue to treat Joel with strong antibiotics just in case.

On Tuesday night after the procedure, Pete asked Joel, "Do you feel anxious?"

"Yes," he replied.

"What are you anxious about?"  Pete probed.  Joel hesitated, unable to articulate exactly what concerned him.  So I rushed in, "He's worried about having another surgery.  It hurt SO bad, and took SO long to recover and then he was SO weakened and set back by it, and...he can't BEAR another surgery!" I was bawling and Joel was crying and Pete cried too.

My head and neck and shoulders were sore, my stomach was tense, and I had a very slight headache (I never have headaches).   This continued all day Wednesday; Pete gave me a massage and I took a bath that evening, which helped.  I was fretting and worrying about the possibility of surgery.  "Lord, PLEASE no surgery."  "Lord, he can't handle another surgery."  Etc.

On Thursday morning, the Lord graciously brought to mind the thoughts, "What good does worrying over this chance do?  He hasn't had another surgery; he is coping with the nausea and feeling rotten.  You have already let your requests be made known to Me - constantly.   Can you trust Me to be good?"  Pete confirmed the message on Friday when he called from the hospital and reported that Joel was feeling much better.  "Let's agree not to worry, OK?"  OK.

We are not immune to the temptations of this trial.  We continue to face situations that arouse anxiety, and can choose to listen to the demons of doubt or to the Holy Spirit.  We appreciate those who pray for us, and trust that we will grow in faith, love and obedience to the will of God.

A Fine Line

We are getting ready to bring Joel home from the hospital, and it brings up all kinds of questions.  He's taking ten different medications.  Because of low appetite, most of his food intake flows through his "G-tube," and consists of cans of Two-Cal, a product containing "corn syrup solids, sodium and calcium caseinates," and dozens of other ingredients, mostly vitamins and minerals.

We have cooked and eaten a healthier diet, stressing whole grains and minimal processing, since our marriage, primarily because of Pete's research following his colon cancer before I met him.   We know this Two-Cal can't compete with real food, and in fact, the doctors and nurses continually stress the importance of Joel forcing himself to eat even if he lacks hunger.  So I asked the nurse what we could put through the tube in terms of real food puréed or blended.  Nope, she replied, too much chance of clogging the tube and causing infection.

We will face a dilemma daily - how much do we try to "treat" Joel with alternative foods or home remedies, and how much do we try to duplicate the hospital environment?  We have great respect and gratitude for the medical personnel who have kept Joel alive and brought him this far, but we know also that they operate under constraints of licensing and insurance coverage and liability that prevent them from giving him some benefits, and cause them to give him extra treatments that aren't necessary or maybe even helpful.

In the emergency room after David's ambulance delivery, the nurse scrubbed my stomach in preparation for a shot of Pitocin, ignoring my protests ("It's just routine") until the doctor came in and concurred, "No, she doesn't need Pitocin, she's going to breast feed."   The one-size-fits-all routines don't fit all.  Prayer, discernment and medical advice will help us do the best we can for Joel.

Freedom from Burdens

This week, Joel has steadily recovered from his surgery with no setbacks:  no fever, no coughing, no nausea or vomiting.  His return to Sister Kenny and a full schedule of therapy happened without a hitch.  We expect that removing the abscess of infection behind his esophagus freed him from a huge burden and will allow healing to proceed at a faster pace.

We’ve used the two extra weeks afforded by Joel’s delay in returning home for a good purpose:  decluttering.  We’ve brought three loads of clothes and miscellaneous household items to the local thrift shop, and I have 27 empty buckets, bins and baskets that used to store stacks of stuff.   We expect that removing this amount of clutter from our home freed us from a huge burden and will allow caring for Joel to proceed in a more organized and pleasant fashion.

How much infection or clutter has gathered in our spirits?  Pete and I just spent an hour discussing the possibility of cutting back on our, and our kids’, media consumption.  We all watch a lot of movies, the boys play video games, I read Internet articles and we all surf the Web and do social media quite a bit.  How much of a burden might this place on our spiritual healing and growth?  If we can reduce or eliminate these influences, might we be free to follow Christ more closely?  Stay tuned….

You Never Know

When we returned Joel to Sister Kenny on Tuesday after a fairly successful, though overwhelming, trial run at home, his neck and throat hurt badly and they decided to keep him another day to give those muscles a chance to rest before another car trip.  Dr. O, the internal medicine doctor, informed us they would perform a "swallow evaluation" to figure out why he kept having trouble.  We visited friends to examine their accessible van and appreciated the chance to ready a few more things for Thursday's homecoming.  We continued to pray that if Joel wasn't ready to come home, the Lord would make that clear to the doctors and prevent it from happening.

On Wednesday, Joel called to tell us that they discovered a leak in his esophagus with a sac of infected fluid between it and the spine.  At about 9:30pm, he said he was scheduled to have surgery to take out the abscess - that night!  And he wouldn't be able to eat or drink for seven days while the esophagus healed itself.  I pressed the nurse to give my number to the surgeon so he could call me as soon as he was finished, and Joel and I agreed that I would come to be with him on Thursday.

At 4:30 am, Dr. D called and in a hearty voice informed me that the surgery was successful and that Dr G, the original neurosurgeon from HCMC, had come over and taken the plates and screws out of Joel's neck also.  "It's hard for infection to heal in the presence of hardware so we removed it."  Wow.

Thursday morning I called the nurse's station as I drove, and the Sister Kenny nurse explained, "Oh, he's not on our floor any more.  Just a minute, I'll get you his new room number."  What??  I called the ICU at Abbott Northwestern Heart Hospital, and his nurse, Molly reported that Joel was experiencing almost uncontrollable pain, probably from the hardware removal.   I asked how long he would be in the ICU, and whether he would return to Sister Kenny after that.  "Probably overnight, and no, up to the spine or neuro unit."  I started fretting about this and that, but had the presence of mind to turn on the Christian radio station.  As I sang praise songs, they helped soothe me and remind me of God's power and love.  Then a d.j. came on and told how he was praying for a motorcyclist in a coma at the hospital and received the inspiration to tell him who God was.  "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come."  And the biker started jerking and the machines started beeping and the nurses came running and - he woke up!  I determined to remind Joel of who God is when I arrived.

Molly had the pain mostly under control with a morphine drip plus pump by the time I got there at 12:30pm; it was at a level 6 or 7 instead of 9 or 10 (on a scale of 1-10).  I held Joel's hands for an hour, then one hand for another hour while we listened to praise music on his iPod.   The pain had been "as bad as I've had ever in my life," but by the time I left at 7 pm, he felt fairly comfortable and much more at peace.  Remembering who the Lord is and how much He loves us solves some of our problems at the deepest level.

Dr. O stopped in and expressed his gratitude that the swallow evaluation caught the infection, and reiterated that this may have been the cause of numerous problems for Joel.  Dr. A agreed, and further explained how much easier it is to treat infections without metal nearby.  Apparently bacteria love to hide in the pits and grooves of titanium hardware.   Dr. O seemed to think that Joel could possibly return to Sister Kenny when he's a little stronger, to make sure he's still up to speed for coming home.

As I drove back home (thankful that I was on 35W South because 35W North was backed up for at least 3 miles), I reflected once more on the futility of worry.  I lacked something to give Joel when I started the day, but the Lord provided it through the radio station.  Wherever Joel goes after this, Jesus will walk with him, and with us.

The Children Grow Up

Today Michelle and Andrew sang a duet in church.  "Lord, I Need You" is a contemporary Christian song based on the old hymn "I Need Thee Every Hour" (I wonder if Michelle and Andrew know that).  Their voices soared in harmony and their sincerity increased the song's impact on all of us.  But the quality of their "performance" astounded me.  "I didn't know they were that good!!" I thought as I listened to the blend, the tone, the pitch, and their musicality.

This sort of thing keeps happening to us as the children grow up.  Whether Michelle chatters away in Spanish on the phone to her friends in Mexico, or David informs us of chemical formulas and properties of elements, or Joel snags a rocketing softball and completes the throw to first base, and Sarah grabs his throw to get the runner out, I can't believe it.  When Daniel (or Sarah!) (or Philip!!) hits a home run, I'm in awe.  When Andrew lifts heavy weights, I gape.  How can these little whippersnappers accomplish feats that I've never dreamed of?

As our children spread their wings, they prove themselves capable of entering new spheres, reaching new people, and achieving success in new fields.  Our family isn't limited to following in Mom's or Dad's footsteps.  This is a good thing.  Apparently the author Hodding Carter Jr. is the source of the quote:  "There are two lasting bequests we can give our children; one is roots, the other wings."  The roots we trust we've given our children are faith in the Lord and in His Word, security and stability in our family, an ability to overlook offenses and to forgive, and numerous good values and morals.  We see their wings spreading now with all sorts of variety and emphases.  Praise be to God for His many gifts!

What are We Worth?

Following Joel (in his wheelchair) down the hall at Sister Kenny last week, I met three other folks in wheelchairs as we made our way to the Therapy Gym.  In the waiting room, several patients with various levels of disability anticipated the arrival of their therapists to begin the session.  Most of them have greater capabilities than Joel at this point.  They strive to sit up, stand alone, or walk without a cane; he tries to roll himself over or stand with the help of two therapists.  But it struck me that all these levels of effort are worthwhile.  Most of us take our ability to work for granted, while at the same time scorning those whose lives are "unproductive."  We subtly devalue people, whether disabled, young, old or in certain jobs, who don't contribute things we find valuable.  And we definitely elevate people whose work benefits us.  Think rock stars or Bill Gates.

I've always believed in my head that each person, regardless of ability, is created by God in His image, redeemed by Christ on the cross, and infinitely valuable.  This situation is helping that belief to travel to my heart.  Joel's activities of eating, exercising, resting and recovering benefit himself primarily, but they also advance God's Kingdom by bringing order out of chaos and overcoming evil with good.  Perhaps some invalids can "only" pray; that advances God's Kingdom as well.  A few individuals might lie in a hospital bed in a coma, or unable even to pray (as Joel did for several weeks); Jesus died for each of them and loves each of them just as much as He loves President Obama or Pope Francis.  Their continued existence may thwart Satan's evil designs.  I believe:  Lord, help my unbelief!

Anti-Procrastination Lessons

I hate calling people on the phone.  I have no recollection of anyone ever screaming at me or calling me names on the phone, so I can only attribute it to either an inherited phobia (I think my mom disliked it as well) or the three-minute phone call limit my dad enforced growing up.  Or maybe it's just one of those inexplicable quirks that afflict us all.  Anyway, this fear of dialing actually has an article in Wikipedia - "Telephone phobia," or the less severe variety of "Telephone anxiety."  Apparently numerous people, like me, enjoy talking to people on the phone, but vastly prefer being called to calling, to the point where we delay the dialing action as long as possible.

In the past, procrastination has paid off a few times.  I've put off calling for days or weeks, only to discover that I didn't need to call anyway, or I no longer need to make the call, or the person died or some such (Well, no, I don't think anyone ever actually died waiting for my call!).   But in the last couple of weeks, I have received two lessons in the value of punctuality, even in telephone calls.

As Aanna's wedding approached, it became clear that none of our family members would arrive at the farm before Friday.  Months ago, I reserved all three rooms of the tiny Bryant motel for Thursday through Saturday, in case we would need them.  I wrote on my list, "Call Bryant motel and cancel for Thursday."  Of course, the word "Call" at the beginning of the task ensured its placement at the bottom of my mental priorities.  From Saturday to Tuesday, I ignored the task.  Finally, on Tuesday evening, I Googled the number and dialed it.  "Ward Motel," Mary chirped.

I introduced myself and explained the situation.  "Can we cancel all three rooms for Thursday night?"

The chirp changed.  "Well, considering that a guy just called today and wanted to take all three rooms for tonight, Wednesday and Thursday..."

Appalled, I apologized profusely and bemoaned my procrastination.  Mary's tone softened after I assured her that we would pay for Thursday night, and also reiterated several times how very sorry I was that she lost out on the reservation.  For several days, the pit of my stomach felt hollow as I remembered the cost, not only to us, but to her, of my delay.

Packing up from the wedding, we forgot a keyboard damper pedal and the camera charger at Plain View Farm.  Of course, we realized this but didn't write it down.  Finally, last Saturday, I remembered them and thought, "I should text the Stadems and see if anyone is going to the farm."  Texting is easier for me than dialing, and I immediately sent a message to eight Stadems who might have been there.  Three minutes later, Tanya called me and said, "We are at the farm and were just in the truck ready to go home when I got your message.  What did you leave?"  Wow.

Will I learn my lesson?  I hope so!  Lord, have mercy...

Wake Up!

One day this week, physical therapists placed Joel in the "standing machine," which helped him gradually move from a sitting to a standing position.  The very next day, the doctor pointed out more movement in his left leg.  We theorize that putting weight on his foot sent a signal to his brain - "Wake up those nerves!  You need to stand up!"   Doctor Velez encouraged Joel to name his left leg and speak to it;  "Kick out!  Wake up!  Move!"  She said it would make a difference; he thinks it's silly and says he won't do it.

What struck me is the parallel to the Biblical statements about faith.  Jesus told his disciples, "Whoever says to this mountain, "Be removed and cast into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes...it shall be done."  (Mark 11)  In Matthew 8, he commends the centurion for understanding that all Jesus had to do was speak to bring healing.  Solomon advised in Proverbs 18, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."  Even medical science - at Sister Kenny, the premier spinal cord treatment center in Minnesota - is confirming the importance of faith, of hope, and of speaking "to call nonexistent things into existence."  (Rom. 4:17)  I hope Joel will change his mind about the value of talking to his leg; I hope we will all believe God's word in our hearts, speak it with our lips, and live it in our actions.

One Day at a Time, part 2

Early Friday morning I woke up and thoughts started pouring through my mind about Joel's future.  I pictured him in a wheelchair forever, pondered all the things he wouldn't be able to do (work, play guitar, have children) and worried and fretted until I had to get up.  I knew these thoughts were of the devil but couldn't seem to banish them or "take them captive to Christ."  My insights into living one day at a time seemed long ago and far away.  I was in the future, and it was no good!

Sometime during the busy preparation for the wedding weekend, an idea struck me on how to banish those pesky future frettings.  I started asking myself, "Do I have what I need to get through today?"  My fears about tomorrow may come to pass; then again, they may not.  Unless there is something I specifically need to do today to get ready for tomorrow, I should forget about tomorrow (as Jesus recommends).  Today has enough troubles of its own.  And Friday certainly did, as we packed for the weekend and the wedding, traveled to Plain View Farm, helped prepare, rehearsed with the wedding party, and celebrated at the groom's dinner.

Just as my worrying about the helicopter bill (Musing about Money, September 10) proved baseless, so will most of these concerns.  If Joel doesn't recover fully, there will be plenty of time to help him deal with those challenges.  So my new goal in living one day at a time is to keep asking myself, "Do I have what I need to get through today?"  and get started on today's tasks.  Lord, help me remember this goal!!

Overwhelming Busyness

Just over two weeks have passed since I left Joel and his full therapy schedule at Sister Kenny to return home to motherhood of a big family.  Two weeks of homeschooling, household management, church music, and trying to restore organization seem like a blur.  I still want to enjoy reading a good book, as I did during lunch breaks and before bed while caring for Joel in the hospitals, but guilt plagues me because if I take the time to do so, tasks remain unfinished.  Coordinating trips to town ("Can anybody carpool today?"), meals for six ("Who's going to be home for lunch?  Supper?"), laundry, cleaning chores and educational needs takes a lot more energy, effort and time than scratching Joel's head, listening to his caregivers and medical personnel, and keeping a positive attitude.  Plus I don't sleep as many hours or get outside as much.

Reading the above paragraph makes me wonder why I'm not spending more time with the Lord.  It sounds like I need His strength more than ever!  But ironically, I seem to think I can get by with less prayer and Bible time, and skipping the "gratitude journal," because now I'm in familiar territory.  Also, I have much more human interaction with the kids and Pete, so quiet time is harder to come by.  No wonder I'm feeling burned out already, and lack energy and motivation.   Lord, forgive my pride and help me seek Your face, Your Spirit, Your wisdom and Your strength.

Park Avenue United Methodist

Pete here:  Andrew, Philip and I spent last weekend together in Minneapolis, complete with bidding on a hotel room for cheap and getting surprised with the beautiful Doubletree Inn, complete with warm chocolate chip cookie, big exercise room and the perfect temperature, working, whirlpool; biking (courtesy of the Jones generosity) the Greenway in the "best city in the US for bike trails"; swimming on the north beach of Lake Calhoun on a 93 degree day; reading and discussing Harry Potter (ad nauseum); subway sandwiches at 33rd and Nicolet where they pile it on - good advice Vicki; a light rail ride and Twins game - fun, despite a 12-2 drubbing from the Blue Jays, and a parking ticket to nullify our savings; visiting Joel 3 times - no significant news but anticipating the halo ceremony; batting cage and laser tag at Grand Slam in Burnsville; hospitality from Todd, Vicki and Hannah Svanoe where we boarded Sat. eve - Hannah went biking and swimming with us and energized the boys with her enthusiasm for life and quick wit; and my personal highlight, worshiping with the Svanoes at Park Avenue.

I left the worship personally enriched and very encouraged by the maturity of what I think is a more liberal church.  I expected covetousness and adultery to be evident and encouraged.  Instead, I saw genuine unity in the spirit, all colors and ages praising God together, voices bursting in song, humbling of hearts, calling on God for forgiveness of sins, for healing and for help in brokenness.  Rachel Svanoe sang in a quartet, some soul song, the 'later rain'.  Amazing sound!  The music was so well done.  God invented excellence so the church's music was a celebration to God.  A certificate was awarded for summer garden help from an immigrant who was befriended by the church and recently baptized. She poured out her heart at the microphone, beautifully revealing how God uses churches who love with helping hands and warm hearts.  In his sermon, the pastor emphasized patience in relationships with self-deprecating humor, recounting Yancey's experience with a church who resolved to love a young man who had been kicked out of 3 churches prior.  After he would rant and rave in the middle of the service, some men would pull him aside and talk to him with words like "appropriate".  Over a prolonged period, he was patiently loved into maturity.  A fantastic discipleship message.  Perhaps Park and I do not line up on politics exactly but I sure believe in how they love and worship.