Nothing but Fun!

On Friday at 4pm, Mark Kraemer & I left Crown Farm for the University of MN to pick up John K, who had been at a songwriter's class all week. From there, we headed down to Rochester, where the boys dropped me off at my college roommate's house and headed over to Winona for the state church league softball tournament. Shelley and her family arrived shortly thereafter, and we had a great visit, catching up on the past few months. They had a French 16-year-old staying with them for the last month, which provided some interesting conversation.

In the morning, after delicious homemade whole wheat cinnamon bread by Jon, the head of the house, who turned 48 - 47? 46? - that day, Shelley & I drove to Winona to watch the tournament. It must have been close to 90 already by 10am, when the first game started. Because we were there to watch Svea's team, I got to explain to Shelley who everyone was, some of their statistics, and other details. She did know Joel and Daniel, who played 3rd and 2nd respectively, and a couple of guys who had been to Leadership Quest three years ago with Shelley and family. The only other Svea fans there were the families of the two married men on the team. We marveled at their commitment; Nicki was there with her 9- and 5-year-old sons and 2-year-old daughter, and Emily with her 2-year-old son, for the whole blistering day.

The first game was a disaster - the St. Cloud team scored 6 runs in the first inning, and when Shelley & I went to get cooler clothes and sunscreen on (the bleachers were in full sun), we missed most of the Svea rally. I think our guys were tired (they had tented in the heat last night) and a little nervous at finally facing some real competition. They almost caught up, however, and lost 9-7. That put them in the loser's bracket right away and meant a 3-hour break until the next game. The clouds in the west were already looking threatening, but the head umpire said they'd play through pouring rain if necessary; they would only stop a game if lightning flashed.

We walked around the river path for a while and commiserated with each other on our various challenges in parenting college students and teenagers. It was great to connect for such a big chunk of time. When we returned to the car, the wind picked up and it was obvious the rain was coming. We got in and drove in the pouring rain, trying to find a restaurant. After finding a McDonald's, we sat in the parking lot and waited for a lull to get the GPS out of the trunk. It directed us to a Perkins, where we had a nice lunch and then tried to find our way back to the tournament - the GPS didn't have the location mapped, and it turned out we had gone in a big circle. We happened to catch sight of "Huff Street" and recognized the name, so returned in time for the next game, which was only about 15 minutes late. When we got there, the guys were a little frantic because the two dads still weren't there; they had gone in the pool with their kids and without their cell phones, so didn't realize it was time to play. They arrived in time, though, and the next two games were solid victories for Svea. The first one was good competition, and provided some fun spectacles, such as Jason sliding through a water puddle to catch a foul ball - which popped out of his glove - and Mark making a diving catch in the outfield. Another bonus was the shade which was available - it hadn't cooled down at all.

After the two wins, we were in the loser's bracket championship against the team which beat us first. We beat them 9-2 with great defense and offense. During the game, the undefeated team - Atonement Angels from Bloomington - sat behind us and scoped out our team. One guy mentioned the "two who look alike," and when I confirmed that they are twins, he queried, "Dare I ask how old they are?" "Eighteen." "Is there anyone on your team older than 18?" he wondered. He kept making comments about how their youth would enable them to keep going in the heat and so forth, but when he told us that Atonement comes to this tournament every year, and that it was his 31st season playing softball, I knew their experience would make it a difficult game to win for Svea.

Sure enough, Atonement scored 6 runs in the first inning. After that, our guys brought one outfielder behind second base, and we beat them 5-2 over the course of the rest of the innings. That wasn't enough, however, and we lost 8-5. That was OK with me, because it was already after 6pm, and the Kraemer boys and I had to get back home that night. Plus, there was plenty to be proud of; in their first year at the tournament, Svea took second place. Shelley & I had a wonderful visit, and everyone got safely home.

The Mind/Brain Connection

What a fascinating book - Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson, MD. He is a psychiatrist who has studied the latest research on the brain, and also believes that God in Jesus Christ is reconciling the world to Himself. The book shows how our minds can become dis-integrated with neural pathways deeply ingrained by our interactions with our parents, and how they can become integrated through connections with other minds. According to him, it's never to late for improvement, though the ruts do become deeper with each passing year. I highly recommend this book, because I can't hope to give even the gist of the meaning in this blog. Suffice it to say that this is not any kind of proof for or against God or the soul, but a guidebook on how to use the best scientific understanding of the brain to help our emotional and spiritual lives.

One thing I do want to pass on is his understanding of Matthew's account of Jesus' last word, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Dr. Thompson points out that given Jesus' upbringing as a Hebrew male and scholar of the Bible, he was almost certainly calling the entirety of Psalm 22 to mind by crying out its first verse, and affirming his trust in his Father's ultimate good will and gracious plan in the midst of the worst suffering the world has ever seen. "From the cross he still speaks into the darkness of evil, confident that he is heard...He is mindful and centered, completely integrated at the level of his prefrontal cortex."

The book also offers new insights on Genesis 3, 1 Corinthians 12-13, and other Bible passages and stories. If you are interested in improving your relationships with yourself, others and God, and willing to work hard at it, this book will help!

Hanging over my Head

Yesterday was a day of accomplishment - I burned a DVD of the wedding of my friend's daughter. Two kids are at camp, one went to a cousin's, and the other two work full-time, so all I had to do was cook meals for the cousins who are staying and working here - and they left at 3pm. I had grand intentions of getting half my list done, but instead worked on editing the video footage and burning the DVD most of the day, with a break for Bible study. I also reorganized CDs while the computer was transferring, etc.

I feel much better than I'd expect to feel after only checking off one thing; I realize it's because this commitment was hanging over my head. Other people were involved, and it really needed to be finished within a reasonable amount of time. I had set a goal for myself of completing it by July 25 - one month after the wedding - but it's great to have it done now!

At Bible study, Carol was sharing that her house is hanging over her head, and it keeps her from getting out and enjoying life. I have experienced relational conflict hanging over my head, and I'm sure we all can relate to deadlines, illnesses or the troubles of others occupying our minds to the extent that everything else seems put on hold.

In Getting Things Done, David Allen accurately observes that getting things down on paper can relieve the weight on our minds of uncertainty as to our commitments. Perhaps another key to a clear mind is to identify the big things that hang over our heads, and do our utmost to clear them up first.

It's All About Communication

We had a family reunion over the Fourth of July weekend. Everyone had a wonderful time, but there was some frustration on the part of the property owners because this was an "off" year, which means people were supposed to come to work on the property, preparing for next year's larger reunion. Instead, 50 people visited and ate all weekend, with about half of them working for an hour (maybe two). Most brought at least some food, but quite a few mooched off the rest, and only about ten people helped in the kitchen. People appropriated rooms in the house without asking, and didn't even help with the final cleanup.

As some of the owners and spouses were discussing the frustration (myself among them), we realized that we have allowed this to happen by a lack of communication. We haven't publicized a work schedule or list of projects in advance. We have opened the kitchen, put out all the food, and cleaned up afterwards, instead of just feeding our own families. We haven't even made a policy about the house, let alone communicated it to anyone. And then we wonder why people make us so upset!

I've been studying "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero with my ladies for the past few months. One of last week's topics was "Expectations." The author wrote, "An expectation has not been established until it is 1) conscious, 2) realistic, 3) spoken and 4) agreed upon." Too often, we are angry because others have not met our expectations, even though the expectation hasn't actually been established since one or more (often all four!) of the criteria have not been met.

I hope our future family reunions will be characterized by positive communication, agreed-upon expectations, and a good balance between work and rest!

I Love a Good System

My kids think I'm a nerd because I know the words to "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" and half the answers on Jeopardy! and I like classical music and oldies (other than 50's or 70's, which they also like now). So don't tell them about this nerdiness - I love it when my things are well-organized. I've been reading and implementing a book called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen, who strongly recommends filing everything in folders with printed labels. I had things all over the house, in binders and boxes and school folders, but I'm gradually moving everything into one file cabinet. I find myself smiling as I go to create a new file folder, or file a piece of paper or a receipt, because the system is so good. I know I'll be able to find these things when I need them.

The other two books I'm currently reading for implementation are "The Simple Living Guide" by Janet Luhrs, and "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero. These three books are good to read together because they are complementary. The gist of the first is that if you can get everything off your mind and onto paper in a good system, then the power of your mind will be unleashed and you'll get more things done. The gist of the second is that we are seduced by our modern culture into believing that happiness comes from getting more things done and having more things, and we need to release expectations and things in order to find true happiness, which is found in relationships with people. The third, the only Christian book in the bunch, argues that many of us are missing out on God's best for us because we have never grown up emotionally, even if we are frenetically "growing" spiritually. "Mature spirituality and emotional health are inseparable." So the three books balance each other out, and while I'm getting more things done, I won't mistake that for the source of my happiness or for mature spirituality.

But I do love a good system!

A Little Reminder

I've been stressed out lately, with seemingly endless lists of things to do and prepare and reorganize now that summer's here and I'm not teaching history, English and math. So when I snagged my wedding ring on my sweater and realized one of the little diamonds was gone, it seemed to fit right in. I do have my ring cleaned and checked every year, but there's something about the prongs that wear down regularly. I had no idea how long the diamond had been missing or where it might have fallen out, so I was quite sure I would never see it again. I found the grace to be thankful that, unlike the time several years ago that I lost my big diamond (and found it), we do have the money to replace the gem.

Because I found the big diamond by sweeping the entire floor, I decided to try that again. I threw a little prayer into the air (as I saw it) - "Lord, it'd sure be nice if I could find that thing." Pete had also prayed that I would find it. As I walked from the bedroom to the kitchen to get a broom, I noticed a sparkle on the carpet. I leaned down and grasped - the diamond! I couldn't believe it - what were the odds?

This was a little reminder from God that He is perfectly capable of working things out. May I trust Him in the little things, the medium-sized things AND the big things.

Summer Softball

The slow-pitch softball season has begun! Each week, between fast- and slow-pitch, six or seven games feature someone from our house. Never have I missed my voice so much as now, when I can't yell and cheer for the teams - I sit in the bleachers and lamely clap.

Svea Church has two teams - one in the Bronze League, and one in the Silver (that one should probably be in the Gold - they won 38-0 last week). The Bronze League team consists of eleven Svea youth, ages 13-19; three friends, ages 16-19, and a mom. Our coach is the fantastic Jerry, who played on a state champion slow-pitch team years ago, but who has a perfect perspective for a church league team. Everyone plays as soon as they're ready; everyone bats (the league has a special rule allowing that). Most of the players don't play sports in school, although we do have a couple of girls' softball players, including our Sarah, and a baseball player.

Our record is now 2-2, but that is irrelevant to how we (coach, players and spec- tators) feel about the season so far. We derive great satisfaction from seeing how much improved the team is. Last year, if a ball flew to our outfield, the runner almost always got to second base at least; this year, the outfielders are able to either catch it outright, or field it and throw it in to hold the runner at first, a good portion of the time. They are aware of the "cutoff" player, and thinking about the game as it unfolds. The infield is even better. John, the pitcher, knows the game and remains aware of every situation; he saves the others from many mistakes by calling out what they should do. The first baseman, Liz, snags balls thrown to her, or speedily tracks them down if they are overthrown a bit. Our Sarah, having played third base on the 9th-grade team this year, has improved her throwing speed and accuracy across the diamond. Last week the entire team played almost flawless defense - which is the area I enjoy watching the most. Our hitting is slowly improving as well.

One of the umpires mentioned to me once that he loves refereeing church softball, and especially Svea's games. We shine in three areas of sportsmanship. First, our players encourage each other. Last week Rusty, a three-year veteran of the team, hit a great smash to the outfield and took advantage of an error to race home, along with the other 2 base runners. The cheering and backslapping went on for quite some time, because Rusty hasn't had a lot of batting success in the past. The very next inning, in the outfield, Rusty caught a well-hit ball and quickly funneled it in to the second baseman. We joked that he was a one-man team, and everyone was very excited for him. This is typical of our team.

Secondly, our coach stresses good sportsmanship. Often we play against teams who dominate us because they are made up of grown men - sometimes in the wrong league, but not always. Occasionally some opponents will sneer, mutter, or even make inappropriate comments or actions on the field. Not Svea - when we beat another team 15-0, everyone tried his best and didn't rub it in. Jerry always says, "You have nothing to be ashamed of" if the team did its best, no matter the score.

Thirdly, our fans are the greatest. While other teams frequently have empty bleachers, Svea always has a good contingent of cheerleaders. One year we did the can-can whenever a player hit a home run (fortunately there weren't too many!). Several of us have Svea softball T-shirts to wear. And we are relentlessly positive, never cheering against the opposing team, and even congratulating them on exceptional plays.

I know I'm bragging, but I love church softball! And I take no credit for it; Jerry and the team are just great!