When Will I Ever Learn?

Last Saturday evening, the devotional reading from Jesus Today shared these good thoughts:

“When you’re in a tough situation, your mind tends to go into overdrive.  You mentally rehearse possible solutions at breakneck speed.  You scrutinize your own abilities and those of people you might call upon for help.  If you find no immediate solution, you feel anxious.  When you find this happening, return to Me and rest in quietness.”

Just after we read this over the phone with Joel, he mentioned that one of the nurses told him he was scheduled to be moved to the University of Minnesota on Monday.  What???  Dr. P gave us a glowing report of the CT scan results on Wednesday and we thought the University people wouldn't have to do any major surgery on Joel's esophagus because things had improved significantly!  However, CT scans had been interpreted in exactly opposite ways twice before this.  We began to worry.

At about 6 am on Sunday, I woke up and my mind "went into overdrive."  Of course, I couldn't solve this problem in any way, but I mentally rehearsed a possible speech I could give to the HCMC staff, telling them they could NOT continue building up the hopes of patients, only to dash them to the ground with a contradictory interpretation of the test.  I laid awake for at least an hour, mulling over this challenge.

After church, Pete decided to travel to the hospital and track down someone who could give us answers.  Once there, he talked to Dr. P, who informed him that the U of M doctors concurred; there would be no transfer to the U, no major surgery there, and things have improved.  Dr. H would send a scope down Joel's throat on Tuesday to see about the esophagus hole, but that was the only planned procedure at this point.

I was very thankful, of course, but also ashamed.  The Lord gave me a message of peace just minutes before I needed it, and I completely ignored it.  When will I ever learn?  "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."  

Turning the Tide

A friend wrote comparing the battle for Joel's health to Israel's battle against the Amalekites in Exodus 17.  While Joshua and his hand-picked men fought, Moses planted himself on a nearby hill and held up his staff.  As long as it remained aloft, the Israelites had the advantage, but when Moses dropped his hands, the momentum shifted.  When Moses grew too tired, Aaron and Hur set him on a stone and propped up his arms from either side.  His hands stayed steady til sunset, and the Israelites prevailed.  Our friend suggested that we are all called to prop up Joel as his body fights this infection and the rest of its problems.  We must not grow weary, even if Joel does.  This goes along with our call to persevere in prayer like the widow with the unrighteous judge.in Luke 18.

The United States entered World War I in 1917, after almost three years of trench warfare had decimated the European troops and drained them of hope.  The "doughboys" arrived, fresh, young, and fat, to skepticism from the hardened, battle-worn, diseased and starving warriors.  The Americans surprised everyone with their fighting skill and their supplies, strategy and spirit helped turn the tide of the war.  Like Aaron and Hur, they held up the European armies and cemented the victory.

Last week we sent Christmas picture postcards to about 40 people we guessed didn't know about our situation.  Calls and cards immediately poured in, confirming our suspicion.  More friends joined us on Facebook and more visitors posted on Caring Bridge.  It reminded me of the doughboys; these friends are fresh and full of faith, not tired and worried like some of us.  Is it a coincidence that we got a good report within a week?  Maybe not!  May they encourage Joel and turn the tide, Lord Jesus.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!                                                                JANUARY 2014

Most of you are aware that for the last six months, Joel (age 21) has been in 4 different hospitals in the Twin Cities because of a diving accident June 19, when he broke his C-5 vertebra, bruised his spinal cord and drowned.  After being revived by Daniel (age 21), he was flown by helicopter to Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis, and has had many complications impeding his recovery.   That is why we are not mailing newsletters or writing personal messages this year!   You can keep up with Joel’s progress and prayer requests on caringbridge.org (Joel Stadem) or ask to be our friends (Pete ‘n’ Kari Stadem) on Facebook.   We are very grateful for the love, prayers, visits and practical support we’ve received from so many friends and relatives; please consider this a thank you, because we haven’t written any of those either!   We trust that the Lord will bring complete healing in His good time. 

Pete & Kari have spent most of their time supporting Joel and trying to juggle the rest of the family’s schedules.  In May, Pete smashed his leg at home plate in a church softball game (he scored the run and the team won!), so he was still limping on crutches with a plate and screws in his leg when Joel got hurt.  Kari spent most of the first seven weeks in the Cities, staying with her sister at night, but since September we’ve taken turns.  Gorans Bros. (our employer) has been fantastic in their willingness to cover for Pete in the barns, and we were able to use Kari’s parents’ cars to help with transportation needs.

Our church, Svea Lutheran, has been through many trials this year.  Besides Pete’s & Joel’s accidents and several funerals, our pastor had to resign in the summer because of health issues.  Two interim pastors also developed pneumonia while serving us.  And another family had two or three major health issues at once.  However, God has been faithful to enable the congregation to do what needs to be done, and Kari is leading the music for worship once again.

Before the accidents, we had a busy year with the church dinner theater (Pete & Kari directed and wrote music for “Frankenpastor”; Sarah, Andrew and Philip had comic roles; Joel and Daniel emcee’ed the intermission); Lent and Holy Week (with the whole family together) and traveling (through a blizzard near the end of April) to the MACHE homeschoolers conference in Rochester.

Now for the rest of the family:

MICHELLE (age 25) is engaged!  After a year teaching music in Mexico, she came home in July (and what a blessing it has been to have her here to help) to pursue unity with us regarding her future with Saúl Cuevas from Puebla, Mexico.  On December 30, God miraculously brought about that unity and we couldn´t be happier about their upcoming  June wedding date.   We have all learned a lot about the Lord´s grace despite our unworthiness in this whole process.   Michelle has been working as a math interventionist at Roosevelt Elementary School in Willmar, and as a Personal Care Assistant (PCA) for a local woman, and doing temporary and odd jobs through Employment Plus.  After her marriage, she and Saúl, who works as an accountant for a college in Puebla, will likely live in Mexico for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL (age 21) moved to an apartment in Mankato with two other guys (Joel was supposed to be the third) in August and began pursuing a degree in business management.  He enjoyed his fall classes and his job in the kitchen at Grizzly’s Restaurant.   He and the friends who were at the pool when Joel drowned spent many hours on the road this summer, visiting Joel every week. 

SARAH (age 17) completed 19 credits at Ridgewater College through PSEO this fall, plus band and choir at Willmar High School, and working as a PCA for the same woman as Michelle does.  She played first base on the varsity fast-pitch softball team last spring, and on four softball teams this summer.  She will graduate from our home school in May and probably finish her two-year degree at Ridgewater over the next year.  The females of the family traveled to Chicago so photographer cousin Aanna could take Sarah’s graduation pictures.

ANDREW (age 15) thoroughly enjoyed participating in the high school musical, “Chess,” this fall.  He went to Chicago on a mission trip with the First Covenant Church in Willmar in July, played on two slow-pitch softball teams and worked many hours on the farm this summer. 

PHILIP (age 12) pitched and played third base on a summer baseball team with his cousin Joey.  Besides the parents, he has enjoyed the most time in the hospital visiting Joel.  Homeschooling has allowed Andrew and Philip to be more involved with supporting Joel since summer ended and others have had busier schedules.

And, in Sioux Falls:  During their first year of marriage, DAVID moved to a different position at Novartis, developing testing procedures; CALLIE graduated from Augustana College, works at a coffee shop and teaches harp and horse riding.   They continue to live in married housing at Augie as Callie takes a few credits to finish a philosophy minor.  Grad school for Callie looks likely this fall, necessitating a move. 

Learning to live “one day at a time” is a process for us; we waste many hours in anxiety and fear.  But God is faithful to give us what we need to face each new challenge.  As our prayers continue to receive “No” or “Not yet” answers, we are forced to examine Who we really believe in – a Santa-type god whose job is to make us all happy, or the One who suffered?    “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.”  Thank You, Jesus, that You came to be Immanuel, “God with us.”

Back Where We Started

We are back where we started, on the SICU floor at HCMC in downtown Minneapolis.  Joel came here by ambulance yesterday afternoon and had a surgical procedure done by the ENT team at about 11 pm.  Dr. H went through his mouth to access the abscess (sounds like a song, "OK, everybody, access the abscess with me!") , remove all infection, irrigate the cavity, and insert a drain tube through Joel's nose to hold the incision open until the air pocket underneath can heal from the bottom up.

Saturday, when Joel felt even worse than Friday, my heart sank.  It sank even lower when he spiked a fever that evening, and when the home health nurse recommended an ER trip.  At midnight as I lay down, I decided to take Pete's advice and put something edifying in my mind.  "EM Bounds on Prayer" caught my eye and I opened to the first chapter - "Prayer and Faith."    Tears filled my eyes as I read that we should not fret if the Lord delays His answer, because He has a greater work that needs to happen first.  "Jacob had to be changed before Esau could be."

On Sunday morning before Pete took him in, I read the passage to them and we all agreed it was what we needed to hear.  The sermon by visiting pastor B also spoke to my heart:  "If your situation has changed dramatically for the worse, like the exiles in Babylon - get on with your lives."

I cried when making the announcement in church, and got plenty of hugs afterwards.   At 3 Pete informed me that the ambulance left Willmar to head to HCMC.   Today we have heard from at least four different teams of doctors, and I am glad to be here where I'm confident they won't let Joel go until this problem is solved.  Lord, may we patiently wait for Your greater work to be completed.

One Day at a Time, part 3

Joel didn't come home - again.  On Monday, his 21st birthday, the doctors voiced their concern over two low-grade fever and an elevated white blood cell count and ordered two tests, one for an intestinal tract infection and a swallow study.  Since the swallow study was delayed until Tuesday afternoon, his discharge didn't happen.  The first test was negative - good news! - but the only good news about the swallow study was that it wasn't in vain.  It involves swallowing barium, which Joel regurgitates every time.  We were all sure that it would show nothing, but unfortunately, it did show some kind of connection between the esophagus and this abscess area.  That began a flurry of activity, leading to a CT-scan-guided mini-operation to place a drain tube through Joel's neck into the abscess, in the hope of avoiding further surgery.  We stayed another night to support him through the ordeal, which involved him holding his head back for the hour of the procedure, and the MRI Wednesday morning to look for bone infection.  Thankfully there was no sign of that, though they will continue to treat Joel with strong antibiotics just in case.

On Tuesday night after the procedure, Pete asked Joel, "Do you feel anxious?"

"Yes," he replied.

"What are you anxious about?"  Pete probed.  Joel hesitated, unable to articulate exactly what concerned him.  So I rushed in, "He's worried about having another surgery.  It hurt SO bad, and took SO long to recover and then he was SO weakened and set back by it, and...he can't BEAR another surgery!" I was bawling and Joel was crying and Pete cried too.

My head and neck and shoulders were sore, my stomach was tense, and I had a very slight headache (I never have headaches).   This continued all day Wednesday; Pete gave me a massage and I took a bath that evening, which helped.  I was fretting and worrying about the possibility of surgery.  "Lord, PLEASE no surgery."  "Lord, he can't handle another surgery."  Etc.

On Thursday morning, the Lord graciously brought to mind the thoughts, "What good does worrying over this chance do?  He hasn't had another surgery; he is coping with the nausea and feeling rotten.  You have already let your requests be made known to Me - constantly.   Can you trust Me to be good?"  Pete confirmed the message on Friday when he called from the hospital and reported that Joel was feeling much better.  "Let's agree not to worry, OK?"  OK.

We are not immune to the temptations of this trial.  We continue to face situations that arouse anxiety, and can choose to listen to the demons of doubt or to the Holy Spirit.  We appreciate those who pray for us, and trust that we will grow in faith, love and obedience to the will of God.

A Fine Line

We are getting ready to bring Joel home from the hospital, and it brings up all kinds of questions.  He's taking ten different medications.  Because of low appetite, most of his food intake flows through his "G-tube," and consists of cans of Two-Cal, a product containing "corn syrup solids, sodium and calcium caseinates," and dozens of other ingredients, mostly vitamins and minerals.

We have cooked and eaten a healthier diet, stressing whole grains and minimal processing, since our marriage, primarily because of Pete's research following his colon cancer before I met him.   We know this Two-Cal can't compete with real food, and in fact, the doctors and nurses continually stress the importance of Joel forcing himself to eat even if he lacks hunger.  So I asked the nurse what we could put through the tube in terms of real food puréed or blended.  Nope, she replied, too much chance of clogging the tube and causing infection.

We will face a dilemma daily - how much do we try to "treat" Joel with alternative foods or home remedies, and how much do we try to duplicate the hospital environment?  We have great respect and gratitude for the medical personnel who have kept Joel alive and brought him this far, but we know also that they operate under constraints of licensing and insurance coverage and liability that prevent them from giving him some benefits, and cause them to give him extra treatments that aren't necessary or maybe even helpful.

In the emergency room after David's ambulance delivery, the nurse scrubbed my stomach in preparation for a shot of Pitocin, ignoring my protests ("It's just routine") until the doctor came in and concurred, "No, she doesn't need Pitocin, she's going to breast feed."   The one-size-fits-all routines don't fit all.  Prayer, discernment and medical advice will help us do the best we can for Joel.

Freedom from Burdens

This week, Joel has steadily recovered from his surgery with no setbacks:  no fever, no coughing, no nausea or vomiting.  His return to Sister Kenny and a full schedule of therapy happened without a hitch.  We expect that removing the abscess of infection behind his esophagus freed him from a huge burden and will allow healing to proceed at a faster pace.

We’ve used the two extra weeks afforded by Joel’s delay in returning home for a good purpose:  decluttering.  We’ve brought three loads of clothes and miscellaneous household items to the local thrift shop, and I have 27 empty buckets, bins and baskets that used to store stacks of stuff.   We expect that removing this amount of clutter from our home freed us from a huge burden and will allow caring for Joel to proceed in a more organized and pleasant fashion.

How much infection or clutter has gathered in our spirits?  Pete and I just spent an hour discussing the possibility of cutting back on our, and our kids’, media consumption.  We all watch a lot of movies, the boys play video games, I read Internet articles and we all surf the Web and do social media quite a bit.  How much of a burden might this place on our spiritual healing and growth?  If we can reduce or eliminate these influences, might we be free to follow Christ more closely?  Stay tuned….