Back Where We Started

We are back where we started, on the SICU floor at HCMC in downtown Minneapolis.  Joel came here by ambulance yesterday afternoon and had a surgical procedure done by the ENT team at about 11 pm.  Dr. H went through his mouth to access the abscess (sounds like a song, "OK, everybody, access the abscess with me!") , remove all infection, irrigate the cavity, and insert a drain tube through Joel's nose to hold the incision open until the air pocket underneath can heal from the bottom up.

Saturday, when Joel felt even worse than Friday, my heart sank.  It sank even lower when he spiked a fever that evening, and when the home health nurse recommended an ER trip.  At midnight as I lay down, I decided to take Pete's advice and put something edifying in my mind.  "EM Bounds on Prayer" caught my eye and I opened to the first chapter - "Prayer and Faith."    Tears filled my eyes as I read that we should not fret if the Lord delays His answer, because He has a greater work that needs to happen first.  "Jacob had to be changed before Esau could be."

On Sunday morning before Pete took him in, I read the passage to them and we all agreed it was what we needed to hear.  The sermon by visiting pastor B also spoke to my heart:  "If your situation has changed dramatically for the worse, like the exiles in Babylon - get on with your lives."

I cried when making the announcement in church, and got plenty of hugs afterwards.   At 3 Pete informed me that the ambulance left Willmar to head to HCMC.   Today we have heard from at least four different teams of doctors, and I am glad to be here where I'm confident they won't let Joel go until this problem is solved.  Lord, may we patiently wait for Your greater work to be completed.

One Day at a Time, part 3

Joel didn't come home - again.  On Monday, his 21st birthday, the doctors voiced their concern over two low-grade fever and an elevated white blood cell count and ordered two tests, one for an intestinal tract infection and a swallow study.  Since the swallow study was delayed until Tuesday afternoon, his discharge didn't happen.  The first test was negative - good news! - but the only good news about the swallow study was that it wasn't in vain.  It involves swallowing barium, which Joel regurgitates every time.  We were all sure that it would show nothing, but unfortunately, it did show some kind of connection between the esophagus and this abscess area.  That began a flurry of activity, leading to a CT-scan-guided mini-operation to place a drain tube through Joel's neck into the abscess, in the hope of avoiding further surgery.  We stayed another night to support him through the ordeal, which involved him holding his head back for the hour of the procedure, and the MRI Wednesday morning to look for bone infection.  Thankfully there was no sign of that, though they will continue to treat Joel with strong antibiotics just in case.

On Tuesday night after the procedure, Pete asked Joel, "Do you feel anxious?"

"Yes," he replied.

"What are you anxious about?"  Pete probed.  Joel hesitated, unable to articulate exactly what concerned him.  So I rushed in, "He's worried about having another surgery.  It hurt SO bad, and took SO long to recover and then he was SO weakened and set back by it, and...he can't BEAR another surgery!" I was bawling and Joel was crying and Pete cried too.

My head and neck and shoulders were sore, my stomach was tense, and I had a very slight headache (I never have headaches).   This continued all day Wednesday; Pete gave me a massage and I took a bath that evening, which helped.  I was fretting and worrying about the possibility of surgery.  "Lord, PLEASE no surgery."  "Lord, he can't handle another surgery."  Etc.

On Thursday morning, the Lord graciously brought to mind the thoughts, "What good does worrying over this chance do?  He hasn't had another surgery; he is coping with the nausea and feeling rotten.  You have already let your requests be made known to Me - constantly.   Can you trust Me to be good?"  Pete confirmed the message on Friday when he called from the hospital and reported that Joel was feeling much better.  "Let's agree not to worry, OK?"  OK.

We are not immune to the temptations of this trial.  We continue to face situations that arouse anxiety, and can choose to listen to the demons of doubt or to the Holy Spirit.  We appreciate those who pray for us, and trust that we will grow in faith, love and obedience to the will of God.

A Fine Line

We are getting ready to bring Joel home from the hospital, and it brings up all kinds of questions.  He's taking ten different medications.  Because of low appetite, most of his food intake flows through his "G-tube," and consists of cans of Two-Cal, a product containing "corn syrup solids, sodium and calcium caseinates," and dozens of other ingredients, mostly vitamins and minerals.

We have cooked and eaten a healthier diet, stressing whole grains and minimal processing, since our marriage, primarily because of Pete's research following his colon cancer before I met him.   We know this Two-Cal can't compete with real food, and in fact, the doctors and nurses continually stress the importance of Joel forcing himself to eat even if he lacks hunger.  So I asked the nurse what we could put through the tube in terms of real food puréed or blended.  Nope, she replied, too much chance of clogging the tube and causing infection.

We will face a dilemma daily - how much do we try to "treat" Joel with alternative foods or home remedies, and how much do we try to duplicate the hospital environment?  We have great respect and gratitude for the medical personnel who have kept Joel alive and brought him this far, but we know also that they operate under constraints of licensing and insurance coverage and liability that prevent them from giving him some benefits, and cause them to give him extra treatments that aren't necessary or maybe even helpful.

In the emergency room after David's ambulance delivery, the nurse scrubbed my stomach in preparation for a shot of Pitocin, ignoring my protests ("It's just routine") until the doctor came in and concurred, "No, she doesn't need Pitocin, she's going to breast feed."   The one-size-fits-all routines don't fit all.  Prayer, discernment and medical advice will help us do the best we can for Joel.

Freedom from Burdens

This week, Joel has steadily recovered from his surgery with no setbacks:  no fever, no coughing, no nausea or vomiting.  His return to Sister Kenny and a full schedule of therapy happened without a hitch.  We expect that removing the abscess of infection behind his esophagus freed him from a huge burden and will allow healing to proceed at a faster pace.

We’ve used the two extra weeks afforded by Joel’s delay in returning home for a good purpose:  decluttering.  We’ve brought three loads of clothes and miscellaneous household items to the local thrift shop, and I have 27 empty buckets, bins and baskets that used to store stacks of stuff.   We expect that removing this amount of clutter from our home freed us from a huge burden and will allow caring for Joel to proceed in a more organized and pleasant fashion.

How much infection or clutter has gathered in our spirits?  Pete and I just spent an hour discussing the possibility of cutting back on our, and our kids’, media consumption.  We all watch a lot of movies, the boys play video games, I read Internet articles and we all surf the Web and do social media quite a bit.  How much of a burden might this place on our spiritual healing and growth?  If we can reduce or eliminate these influences, might we be free to follow Christ more closely?  Stay tuned….