Monday, February 25, 2013

Grown-up Kids

On Saturday we drove to Sioux Falls and back to see daughter-in-law Callie in her senior voice recital.  She sang beautifully:  even better than last year, which is saying something.  I helped her mom serve trifles at a reception afterwards, and basked in reflected glory as "David's mom," because David had the same voice teacher.  It struck me that this grown-up kid thing is going to be really fun.  To enjoy their successes in a special way, while no longer having to correct every mistake or fix every failure, will be the best of both worlds.

We have a friend who claims that her mother-in-law caused her divorce.  When Cheryl married Glen, over forty years ago, Glen's mom Eunice was thrilled.  Thereafter, not so much.  When Glen and Cheryl wanted to move to Iowa, Eunice was afraid it might not be best.  When Glen decided against going to seminary, Eunice "just didn't have a peace about it."  From parenting decisions to decorating schemes, Eunice always had an opinion about "God's will," and rarely agreed with the unhappy couple.  Because of Eunice's spiritual confidence, Glen had a hard time setting boundaries or ignoring her advice.  Plus, she was his mother!

Our challenge, then, is to release our married children to their spouses, realizing that this is a new family accountable to God alone in Christ.  We can and will pray for them more urgently than for others, and if they are wise, they'll ask for our prayers and our advice.  We're thankful for our own parents, who have set a good example in this area.  The other key is to remember that the Lord loves them more than we do, and has an entire Body of people He can use to help them grow in Him.  If it is to be, it is NOT necessarily up to me!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Praise the Lord

On Friday at Bible Study, we discussed Psalm 150 and its exhortation to praise with every kind of instrument.  We've committed to spend time praising the Lord each day, meaning listening to and/or singing along with praise music.  Yvonne mentioned that the first week was awkward; she takes quiet time with God each day, but hasn't been focused on praise and it felt strange.  Carol asked, "What about when I don't feel like praising?  Does God want us to have an attitude of, 'OK, I'll just do it anyway because it's on the list'?"  After mulling that over and talking about it some more, we agreed - "Yes."   When Hebrews 13 exhorts us to  "continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise," isn't the writer implying that it isn't always easy?   If we only did for our children or our spouses what we felt like doing, our relationships would quickly deteriorate.  We are "by nature sinful and unclean," so sometimes we just have to grit our teeth and act in accordance with our beliefs, principles or convictions, ignoring our feelings.  Yvonne also reminded us that our actions tend to produce feelings; if we do what we should, often (or at least occasionally) our emotions will catch up and we'll feel good about it.  We decided to continue praising each day, whether we feel like it or not!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Bad Days

I'm tense and crabby today.  It might actually be PMS, which I've never had before.  I snapped at the kids for leaving house chores undone or not doing them well, resented Pete for making reasonable demands upon me, napped for over an hour and am just as tired after getting up.  I have a few abdominal cramps, but mostly feel lethargic, unmotivated and irritable - although, of course, I was fine at the church, hosting a bridal shower this morning.  No crabbiness then!  I criticize the kids for acting politely and kindly to others, but rudely to us.  Wonder where they get it?  Not a good day.

We're dealing with an abundance of bad news around us.  A friend's father just found out he has pancreatic cancer; we've never known anyone personally with this disease, but now know two who will, barring a miracle, leave this earth this year.  The other friend with pancreatic cancer had her second CT scan, revealing that her liver tumors have tripled in size and making chemotherapy irrelevant.  Another friend got a DWI and lost his job because the court process disclosed that he is, in fact, an illegal alien.  Of course he got himself into this mess, and certainly it's probably for the best that he get home to his family he hasn't seen for ten years, but we still love him and hate to see him suffer.   A fellow home school mom died of breast cancer a few weeks ago, leaving nine children, including two in high school.  Two couples who belong to our church are probably divorcing - and apparently the two breakups are connected.    I sang at a funeral the other day; the family is so dysfunctional that a day with no blowups was considered a success.

Of course there are some bright spots; one couple who has been having marriage troubles is doing better, another who's been living together is getting married, and a good friend's daughter stopped taking anti-depressants because of her pregnancy and is doing fine.

I suppose we should be grateful that for over fifty years, our lives and those of our friends and relatives have been so relatively smooth.  Many people have trouble and trauma all around them every day of their lives.  But it's hard to take a seemingly sudden change.  Our hearts hurt for many, and especially some who don't seem to know the Lord very well.  I can't imagine trying to deal with crushing blows without the hope of eternity and a day with "no more tears."  I've been convicted of my need to spend more time in prayer, both to plead for our friends and to reset my perspective.  Truly this life is but a vapor, and the trials we face are not worth comparing with the glory we shall see.  Now can I remember that when the chores are left undone?